Today, I missed my first “going off to college goodbye.” My first friend in high school and my teammate on the tennis team for four years, she started off as my "best friend," but we found other friends over the years and slowly drifted away from that 10-letter label. Not in a bad way, though. She will always have a special place in my heart and is the type of friend I can talk to after months without hanging out and feel like nothing has changed. But we are two very different types of people. I am emotional and would have probably sat in my car and cried after saying goodbye. She, on the other hand, would flash her bright smile and give me a sassy-sweet, tearless goodbye.
I had plans to see her last night and say goodbye, but they fell through. So this morning when I woke up, I contemplated driving over to see her ... then went back to bed. I didn’t feel like crying, and it's not like I'm never going to see her again, I thought. At that moment, saying bye to her just seemed like the first of many teary encounters that would left me feeling sadder than the other person. So no, I didn’t feel too bad about it.
But I woke up an hour later, and I changed my mind. I did want to say goodbye. I already knew she would complain about the non-queen sized dorm beds or how the dining hall wouldn't have her mom's homemade pizza, but I didn’t care. I wanted to tell her, "Good luck! I'll miss you!" because I meant it. I scrolled through Facebook while walking out the door and saw her sister had posted about her "not so little anymore" sister going away to college. Then I realized she had already left. I felt a weird combination of regret and sadness, like when you finish a book or TV series with a really sucky ending. Something felt unfinished, and now there was nothing I could do about it.
I sat in my car and realized that the only thing worse than parting ways with someone who has been a part of your life is not saying goodbye. Yes, I know it's just college, but still. There’s no closure. No last hug. I drove to her empty house anyways, the nicely wrapped gift i never got to give her riding shotgun, and my Spotify sad songs playlist on shuffle. I cried. I pathetically sat in her driveway for a good 10 minutes and was flooded with all of the memories I had shared with her. Getting ready together every year for homecoming, our traditional pictures, weeknight sleepovers while "studying" for Spanish class, the countless runs through a sketchy "shortcut" that led me to her house (also called trespassing), or staying up all night making banana baked goods junior year after a boy asked me to prom using hundreds of bananas (don't ask). I wish I could've laughed about those memories one last time before she left.
Everybody always stresses the importance of greetings, but why not farewells? Nobody ever told me that skipping a simple last conversation before a friend leaves for college would leave me feeling so regretful. But I realized that every person in your life, regardless of how close you are with them, is important. The memories you share with them are unique and special. And even though saying bye to them seems like "just another," it's not.
So, say goodbye if you have the chance. Whether it's a friend, a neighbor, a teammate or whatever. Take the time to share a proper farewell and laugh about funny stupid memories from the four awkward years of high school one last time. Hug them tight, tell them good luck, and let a few tears roll down your cheeks. Because at the end of the day, a sad goodbye is always better than no goodbye.
