As I’ve become more independent in the past year, I’ve also become much more aware of how I feel, what I want and what I need. Contrary to Oscar Wilde’s famous “I’m not young enough to know everything,” I am in fact quite young so I’ll pretend like I know a lot…at least in the sense of what’s best for me. Whether it’s because I’m a year older or all of the walks I take, I really have become more in touch with myself over the past year. Now I reject invitations if I don’t want to go, I tell someone if they upset me and sometimes, when I’m feeling really crazy, I read for three hours straight instead of making plans. And let me tell you, all of this stuff is the most liberating feeling I’ve ever had (you can tell I haven’t had the roughest of lives). Because I’ve been 100 percent myself, no apologies. I’ve been able to realize if something is a good or bad idea, or if it’s time to leave a toxic friendship in the past. And when I’ve been making these somewhat small but still pretty important decisions, I’ve unintentionally been working myself up to becoming confident about big things like my major and dreaming of things so big they actually kind of scare me.

I definitely haven’t always felt this confident about who I am or what I’m doing, and it didn’t happen overnight either. Throughout grade school and (cringe) jr. high, I was this fumbling, sweaty, awkward little girl that was always just trying to fit in. I grew out of the sweatiness and grew a few inches, and went on to high school where I was a bit surer of myself, but I was always still trying to please everyone and be everyone’s friend. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind getting along with the majority of my small school, but I was always so aware of what others thought and said about each other, because hello I have a brain and eyes and ears. So I was always trying to live my life as happily as I could without raising too much attention in the gossiping world of a <500-student school. Until now, I thought it was normal to live with a little bit of stress over why so-and-so was hanging out with her instead of me or wondering if people would make fun of me if I brought up that I started doing yoga (small-town gossip, ya know).

While I’m definitely not trying to step on any toes, I truly have realized the difference one year away at school has made for myself. Luck was definitely on my side as I found my group of friends in the weird ways that we found each other throughout the year. Being able to choose what I do when I want was quite the liberating feeling as well, and the things I chose to do, I realized, were things I actually wanted to do and started becoming a part of who I am. All of a sudden, I felt like I could tell my friends anything and not be judged for it, and god knows all of ISU wasn’t going to hear about my life. I started coming out of my shell more and more, and each time I did, I felt like I was growing and flying, all while remaining 5 feet 3 inches tall and technically grounded.

I owe who I am today to everyone who has been a part of my life. The kids I’ve grown up with from kindergarten up, my teachers, the friends that have come and gone and those who will hopefully be in my life for a long time. More importantly, I can owe who I am to my family for being there for just about every second of my life. But, most importantly, I have to give a lot of credit to myself. And that might seem like a selfish way of giving out credit, but it’s also pretty darn true; I’ve let people and experiences change me however they did through my own prerogative — I think I’ve known I have a choice for my life forever and am just now starting to realize it.

So while I choose to be “Deb AF,” as my friends say, I know my life and who I am will keep changing, because that’s just how life goes. Thus far, I’ve learned that if you work hard, are kind to others, surround yourself with good people and keep a positive outlook, you have a pretty good chance of living happily. Through life’s ups and downs and ever-changing ways, as long as you stay true and confident to who you are, people are going to have a really hard time trying to stop you.