We look from person to person as we go throughout our day. While we don't stop to think about what their life might be like, but we think that they might have a good one. More often than not, the faces we see can be somber or expressionless—but those are just the strangers we encounter in everyday life. When it comes to our friends and family, we don't often see what's really going on under the surface. Why is it that we may think that someone who is smartly dressed and in a relaxed mood have everything together versus someone who may be a totally disheveled mess?
When we look at a person, we look at everything from the clothes they are wearing to what color their nail polish may be. Our society looks at the outward appearance before the inward. That is how first impressions are made which last longer than we'd be willing to admit. Our society also places a heavy emphasis on this "having it all together" look. Individuals feel like they need to appear as if everything is going great in life to complete and total strangers.
We even do this to those that are the closest to us - our friends and family. Those are the kinds of people that you would think we could be open and vulnerable to, but more often than not we choose not to be. Why is that? It may be because we don't want to expose our hurt and pain to others, or that it's too painful to do so. Or that we don't want to be telling the same story over and over again to a lot of different people. We are imperfect people unwilling to admit our flaws and hurt that betray the perfect image.
Everyday you're asked the question, "How are you". The programmed response is, "good". That is a question I personally dread, and often have a rehearsed answer to. This question is asked too often in a passing manner, where neither party can really talk about the true answer to that question. It's become a conversation starter and filler. In my personal experience, there have only been a handful of people who have really wanted to know the true answer to that question and actually sat down to talk about it with me (and vice versa).
Sometimes trying to keep up this image that we have it all together can have the opposite effect. People will go as far as they need to to keep up that reputation, even to the point where it may be self-destructive. It's almost as if we don't trust others to validate our feelings and reactions to certain situations, like we're completely on our own and no one understands. More often than not, we eventually snap and when we do there is someone there to help pick up the pieces. We may never be whole, but we shouldn't break ourselves trying to appear so for other people. Our own mental, physical, and emotional health is not worth the opinions of complete strangers.
While we don't have to be spilling our life stories to everyone we meet, we should be a little more willing to give up the image of "having everything all together". Something I've heard many people say in today's world is, "I need to get my life together". Truly, you never will have your life all figured out or "together". Life is an ever changing thing and it can be hard to roll with the punches. We can have a small group of people who we can talk to about the things that are making our life difficult, and be vulnerable with. Once we let go of trying to have it all figured out and be okay with the unknown variables in life, then we don't have this image of perfection and togetherness to keep up anymore.
"Fresh air to the lungs, New blood to the veins This life is yours Don't break apart Don't throw it away Say it again, say it again I know this is not what we were made for Say it again, say it again I know we were made for We were made for more"
-XXI, "Say It Again"
