If you're like me, you know the struggle: wanting to have a "Pinterest-esque" dorm/apartment, but having the artistic skill of an ostrich. (I've never seen an ostrich paint, but I just can't imagine it would be very skillful. Dumb birds can't even fly.) One of the staples to making your room Pinterest worthy is, of course, canvasses. But no, not just store-bought canvasses, you have to make that sh*t yourself. That's what makes or breaks the trendy level of your college living space.
So in my experiences, here are the true, non-sugarcoated thoughts of what it's actually like to spend a day trying to reflect, through your homemade room decor, that you have your life and your sh*t together. No, this one canvas didn't take me 13 hours to paint, why do you ask?
The "what do I even paint" step.
OK, I guess I have to figure out what to put on this thing now, and I spent $19.99 more than I wish I had on it. I don’t even know if this is a good canvas, what assets do good quality canvasses have? This could literally be anything stretched across cheap wood and I wouldn't know the difference.
Time to go to my "canvas ideas" board on Pinterest, because yes I reluctantly have one of those. The first step to painting a chic, with-it canvas is to pick the perfect quote. Something that says, "this is who I am," but not "I'm a basic white girl with an infinity sign tattoo on her foot." Something that says "I'm trying, but not too hard."
"Everything happens for a reason?" No. "Good vibes only?" Hell no. "Color outside the lines?" What am I, a middle school girl on Picnik.com?
OK, I'll just search this mind numbing website for about three more hours, before I actually even pick up a paintbrush, for the perfect quote.
Here we go, I found one. It's got all the right bits and pieces. It's edgy. It's fun. It's hip. It's not from a John Green novel. It's not posted all over Twitter by those "Typical Girl" accounts. It's perfect and no one's allowed to copy me in fear that it will become basic.
The "realizing how entirely screwed you are when you start to paint" step.
Now comes the hard part. I've been all talk up until this point. The actual execution is going to be what kills this for me.
How do girls do it? All Pinterest scrolling did was set my ambitions way too ridiculously high. I'll be lucky if I can slap some chevron on this thing without managing to mess that up. Screw your Lilly Pullitzer flowers I'm tracing literally everything on this canvas. And don't even say the word ombre around me I can't even think about such sorcery.
What colors do I use? Where do I even start? I should have paid better attention in freshman art class about foreground and the background. And complimentary colors.
OK, might as well start with a background. Blue. Light blue. Looks nice! Should I just leave it like this? Simple, yet elegant? Keep the people guessing? No, you've come this far, you can do it.
I'm so damn impatient I can't even wait for this blue to dry. I'll just start painting letters over it I'm sure it doesn't matter that it's still wet.
OH GOD BAD IDEA. REALLY BAD IDEA. I have to start all over now. Excellent.
The "trial and error/ pure frustration with letters" step.
OK the background is finally dry and I'm just now starting to realize that I have negative ideas on how to make these letters look even a little bit elegant. I can't even remember how to write my name in cursive. Free-handing is completely out of the question. Time to get my trace on. Let's pick a typewriter-ish font. Typewriters are hipster chic, right?
What brush size do I use? Too small, too big, perfect! Oh wait just kidding I messed it all up again. Why is paint so....liquid? Sticky? Messy? Permanent?
OH MY GOD I'M EVEN BAD AT TRACING. I CAN'T EVEN FAKE IT TO MAKE IT LOOK GOOD. WHY AM I EVEN TRYING THIS IS NOT CUTE AND DEFINITELY NOT FUN. I need to just go to target and buy a big decorative clock.
Morale is incredibly low. At this point, I just have to at the very least make it look like a human life form painted this and I'll call it a success. Just gotta push through. Alright, that's good enough. And by good enough I mean I only hate it a little bit. And you can read it. Kind of.
The "attempt to add hip embellishments but really only making it much, much worse than it already was" step.
Think, think, think. What is hip? What is cool? What is edgy and chic? I don't even know what those words mean.
Arrows. Bitches love arrows.
Anchors? No, I never understood that metaphor. "I refuse to sink?" THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT ANCHORS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO.
Feathers. Feathers are cool as hell. Yeah let's trace some poorly executed feathers on there and really bring it on home.
More arrows. Bohemian. Yes, good.
How about a dream catcher? A mandala? All excellent choices in theory, but again I was the little girl in elementary whose hand turkey wasn't even recognizable.
I'll just throw a smorgasbord together here. A big mess of all the things I couldn't decide between, poorly executed on one canvas: that's pretty representative of who I am.
OK, I really think it's time to stop. It's 3 a.m. and I have paint covering the entirety of my body. How did I get paint on my foot? Who knows, but it's there.
The "step back and admire your work even though you aren't proud at all and just feel like you wasted a whole day frustrating yourself" step.
Well, I did it. I now have a mediocre canvas to proudly (or not proudly) hang on my wall at school. I would pat myself on the back but I don't think I deserve it.
Yes you may have started over a total of five times and you have about 20 layers of paint on the canvas from having to paint over your horrible mistakes over and over again, but you did something. Not something great, but something. And now you get to be reminded of that every day when you look on your wall!
Your blood, sweat, and tears went into this canvas though, and that alone is something to be proud of.
Maybe you should take up kickboxing or something instead.
