Thanksgiving and Christmas used to be full-on family events on my dad's side of the family. My grandmother would cook huge meals, enough for the nine of us who would be attending to eat as much as we wanted. She and my uncle would buy mountains upon mountains of presents for my brother, my cousins and myself. We would have pie and fudge, we would fight over the tv and what to watch and we would just hang out.
When my aunt and uncle moved into a small house on the lake, we would visit there often, especially for those summer birthdays when we could hang out by the water and either go swimming or go for a boat ride. We would have cake and ice cream. We would watch the sunset on the hammock. Hell, I even had my graduation party there because they were nice enough to let me borrow their home. And yet, not even six months later, when my grandfather died, so did my relationship with my aunt, my uncle and my cousins.
I'm not going to explain what my family fought about because it's not a pertinent piece of the story. I was never directly involved in the conflict. My dad barely spoke(if ever at all) to his father. I didn't know him at all. I can't remember ever actually meeting him outside of maybe when I was a baby. My grandmother and he had divorced a long time before I even existed. I didn't even go to the funeral, to be honest.
I didn't know how bad the conflict was until Thanksgiving rolled around. I had been ready for another big get together, excited that everything had blown over. But it hadn't. Instead, my cousin and I talked on Facebook about whether or not we could convince everyone to get together. It didn't work. We had separate Thanksgivings for the first time in a long time. And it sucked.
I accepted that. Thanksgiving was still a good day for me. I moved on and I was hopeful that everyone else had. Christmas was the next holiday to roll around. My grandmother had not spoken to my uncle and his family in weeks. No one knew what was going to happen. Lunch time rolled around and there was not even a phone call. We all ate and we got ready to open presents. My aunt, my uncle and my cousins never came that day. I watched as the presents started to dwindle down under the tree until there were only a few piles left. My grandmother stood up from her chair and started giving me the presents designated for my cousin. She said, "take what you want, and I'll return the rest". And that broke my heart.
That was five years ago. It has been five years since I've seen my cousins who I was once close with. It's been five years since my grandmother has spoken to her son. One of my cousins is married now and he has a son whom I will probably never meet. My other cousin is getting married this fall. We talk on occasion, through Facebook comments. I'm getting married next spring and I'd love to be able to invite those members of my family, but I don't know if the conflict would be worth it.
Family conflict is horrible. It happens in many families, but it usually or, at least, hopefully, is resolved at some point. My grandmother is going to be 86 years old this summer. I'd love for her to be able to see her family and for everyone to be happy again before the inevitable occurs. But I honestly don't think that will ever happen.
My dad and my grandmother have told me on more than one occasion that I can speak to my aunt, my uncle and my cousins whenever I want. I saw my aunt and uncle out at a restaurant once. I went over. My aunt was excited to see me, she hugged me and everything. My uncle wouldn't even look at me. It's rough not knowing where you stand with your own family.
What is the moral of my story? I have no idea really. I don't know how anything that happened could have changed or been resolved. I don't want to put all the blame on my aunt and uncle because my grandmother and my other uncle are also at fault here. They haven't been trying to fix things either. My grandmother says she doesn't care if she does or not, but I have a feeling she is lying.
Maybe one day everything will be better, but for now, I just have to deal with it.
