In the sixth grade I cried myself to sleep one night because I realized my friends were wearing bikinis. To me, this wasn't a dramatic response. My church didn’t allow girls to wear them at pool-parties, my mother didn’t like buying them and my older sisters told me they were immodest--so wasn’t wearing one a sin? And why didn’t my friends understand this? Out of sorrow that my friends were sinning, I cried for a good amount of time that night.
But what I was so convinced of that night, I am convinced of the complete opposite now. Not that wearing a bikini isn’t a sin (because it certainty can be) but, that girls have the freedom to wear one if they so choose. What I lacked in the sixth grade wasn’t concern for my sisters, but rather understanding.
My world got turned around my sophomore year of high school. My youth group was doing a series on legalism and wisdom issues. I nodded in agreement week after week as my youth pastor preached that we all have freedom in Christ to choose how to live our lives regrading issues that the Bible doesn't directly address. Issues about what music to listen to, what movies to watch, and whether or not to drink alcohol were all up to the decision of the believer. He exhorted us to follow our own personal convictions. Up until the last week of the series, I was on board. It was the application my church took from these studies that changed my world.
My youth pastor spoke to the group, “In response to what we have been teaching you these last few weeks, we have changed one of our policies. Girls, you are now allowed to wear two-piece swimsuits at pool-parties if you are convicted that it’s okay.”
What? How can this be possible? They’re immodest!
But in the next few weeks my mind grew in understanding. After several conversations and much alone time with my thoughts, I finally understood. Modesty isn’t just what we wear to cover up our skin, rather it is our outward expression of our inward attitude. Christ changes the inside of us. Christianity is more than just behavior modification.
My definition of modesty drastically changed when one of the elder spoke about modesty at our church.
“It all comes down to humility. Are you humble?” He asked.
As I have thought, thought, thought, and looked at this issue, his definition is always true. Who was I dressing for? After examination, I can see that I was dressing for myself. I liked being a good Christian girl and I liked looking like one. I wanted people to call me modest while still looking cute. But that wasn’t true modesty, because I was dressing for myself. It didn’t matter if my shirts had turtlenecks and my skirt was made of denim and went down to my ankles, the Lord always cares more about the condition of my heart than the measurement of my clothes.
But none of this is to excuse us. Rather, our clothes are reflective of our hearts. If we are truly humble, then with the knowledge that our bodies can make a brother stumble or our sisters jealous or draw unnecessary attention to ourselves, we dress appropriately. 1 Timothy 2:19 says, "Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire."
What is appropriate and respectable apparel? We will never agree, for that would make it too easy for us. That is when we get in trouble, when we hide behind rules. No universal standard of modest dress exists. I could not tell you what length God wants your shorts to be. Appropriate means a different thing in California than in India and now than it did 100 years ago. We must go before the Lord and ask.
Good questions to ask yourself are:
1. Would I be willing to not buy a cute shirt if I felt it was immodest?
2. Am I seeking to draw attention to myself with these clothes?
3. Will these clothes cause someone to stumble?
4. Will these clothes cause other girls to be jealous of me?
