Home seems like a simple thing to understand, right?
It’s that one place where you spent most of your life with your family. It’s the place where you grew up and experienced all the different stages of growing up. It’s the place that you always knew would be there, no matter where you went.
This is typical for most people, but within the past three years, I’ve found that the home I grew up in no longer feels like “home” to me, and here’s why:
In no way am I saying this is because my family is terrible or that I have horrible parents, because that is definitely not true. I have an amazing mother who raised me in a very loving and caring household, and I know that my little sister always has my back when I need her -- but home simply doesn’t feel like it used to.
I am about to head into my senior year of college at Grand Canyon University -- AHHH, HELP! I’ve found that every summer I come back to California, all I want to do is head right back to where my friends are in Arizona or go to Disneyland (I’ll, explain the Disney thing in a moment, just bear with me). After doing some thinking, I think I’ve discovered this is why I feel and perhaps you may be feeling the same way too.
What it comes down to is this: I’ve grown up and am ready to establish myself somewhere else.
Living in a different state definitely forces you to adapt to your surroundings and get to know the people around you because, c’mon, who really wants to experience college alone? I’ve come to know some amazing people these past few years, and they truly have helped to mold me into the person I am today. I find a lot of joy spending time with them, and I see so many different characteristics in them that I too hope to achieve someday. On top of all of that, I know for a fact that I can be myself around them without fear of judgement, which is something I think we all want. At school with my friends, it just feels like home.
Now onto the Disneyland obsession that I mentioned earlier. Disneyland also has served as a serious motivator to me as it’s the place I hope to end up someday. In high school, I discovered my love for Disneyland since I knew that I could run around and be myself in the park. In college, I worked as a part-time Cast Member in two different locations in Disneyland, which solidified what I had felt in my heart for so long -- I always wanted to be a part of the magic. Being a part of people’s days and making “magic” for my guests is one of the most fun things I’ve ever done. And you know what, I’m really good at it! Here I feel like myself and again -- that I’m home.
Of course, there are many other things that make me feel like I’m at home or right where I need to be, but these are probably the two major things that truly make me feel like I’m at home. Honestly, that’s not a bad thing.
It’s just a part of growing up.
Of course, this is different for everybody as not everybody grew up in one particular home. Some people have to travel their whole lives and have had multiple homes while others have grown up in foster care with that being their home their entire lives. Some people find home in other people or even things like religion. Whatever the case may be, home can mean many different things to someone and that’s okay.
I think the expression “Home is Where the Heart is” targets what I’m saying perfectly: where your heart is, you'll find your home. However, there is some serious caution that needs to be taken with this because, sometimes, your heart is not in the right place. Things like addiction twist what home is and can make you feel like you’re right where you need to be, when really, you’re throwing yourself into a deeper and deeper hole that is very difficult to climb out of.
Selfishness and haughtiness usually are the main destroyers of our concepts of home, and it’s important that we are careful with these two things.
So there you go! It’s okay to feel like your home doesn’t feel like the home you once knew because you’re growing up and feeling the desire to go out and explore yourself! We are discovering more about ourselves all the time, and it’s a really exciting thing because by learning more about ourselves we are better prepared for the present and future.
Trust yourself, and go explore!
