The day still plays back in my head all the time. It will be forever that one day that I officially have a broken family. No I don’t mean that I don’t have people who don’t love me but as two people who created me are no longer the ones who love each other. Growing up my entire life I always known divorced families were a thing and honestly most of my friends had divorced parents. But the thing that made me different was I didn’t and I never thought I would. That was something that never crossed my mind. Sure my parents fought growing up but who’s didn’t. The separation between them hit me like a brick wall but apparently not to others. I am lucky enough to say that we all lived happy together for a good solid 17 years? But the hardest part of this journey isn’t even the fact that my parents are no longer going to be spending their lives together but how much my life is changing; and if you’re anything like me change is hard. Seeing two people I love so much fight all the time is one thing but never seeing those two people in the same room is even worse.
I look at this place that is filled with so many of our memories, pictures on the wall, clothes still each other’s rooms, same decorations for the holidays we no longer spend together and the same house I took my first steps in. Acceptance is hard but even harder when your old life surrounds you.
When it comes to a broken family that doesn’t mean you lose people and in reality you usually gain people. But we come back to acceptance. The hardest thing is accepting these new people in your life. When all you want is what use to be. But what use to be in no longer. As a child you want nothing more than to see your parents happy but is some cases their happiness is no longer with each other. Moving on with their lives which they should be is a big step and I’m proud of both of them for taking it on. I can honestly say I am happy that they are happy but my happiness might take some time. As a child of divorce I can honestly say it isn’t easy and it isn’t something that you can just accept. It takes time and no one can be the deciding factor of that time except for you. Time is the most precious thing and if you don’t learn to accept what’s going on it will eat you alive. Trust me I know. You can ask yourself a million times what you could have done differently, or re play different situation in your head over and over again. But in reality it isn’t your fault and there was nothing you could say or do to change the situation.
Slowly things will all start to make sense again and I will continue on living my life as will my mom and dad. Even though we aren’t the family I grew up with anymore we are a separated family that is whole in a different way. My mom is whole because she can finally be herself and my father is whole because he is finally where he wants to be. My wholeness will come in time and I’m slowly accepting that.
To all the children of divorce or going through separation with their parents. It’s hard and I’m sure you’re tired of the, “You need to be happy for them” “You need to grow up speech” “You need to accept what is happening shenanigans.” Because I know I am. SCREW ALL OF IT. You move on at your own pace, I have been where you have been and I know the heart ache and I know the pain isn’t just something you can just switch off. Be strong in your future steps and everything that is coming at you. Know that a broken family isn’t an unloved one. A broken family is sometimes a happier family.
