Since you won't return my text messages, I guess this is how I have to tell you what's going through my mind. I get that I fucked up. I shouldn't have lied to you that night.

I get that you're happy with that new girl of yours. I don't get why you had to lie about her, though. You told me she was some crazy girl that "forced" you to make her your #wcw. If I were to tell you I thought the sky was a different blue than you saw, you'd yell at me and tell me I'm wrong and to stop lying to you. Then I'd try to laugh it off, and change the subject... But you wouldn't let me. You'd raise your voice to me, and tell me "I'm not fucking stupid, I'm tired of people lying to me..." followed by an indirect, passive-aggressive Facebook status about liars and "keepin it 100 for the homies."

I know it was wrong to do all of those things I did... I'm sorry your brother was too possessive of me, and my life and safety felt threatened at any given point of the "relationship." I'm sorry your cousin overreacted and lied to you about talking to me. I'm sorry your family is just so screwed in the head. And I'm sorry your ex is kind of a douche bag, but you can't stop fucking with her, no matter how many girls you try to replace her with. I'm sorry you can't face your own feelings, and I'm sorry you're so damn insecure.

It's bad enough I tried to get with you, not only because your cousin is an abusive ex-boyfriend of a good friend of mine; not only because you are the one person your brother told me to stay away from; not only because my best friend told me to stay away from your whole family... but because I should have listened to all of them. And you should have listened to the people telling you to stay away from me. You know, at first, I believed you when you told me we were just "a couple of friends fucking around," but deep down, I felt myself catching a little bit of feelings... My stubborn self pushed those feelings to the side, and I really didn't give a fuck about what you thought of me. Had I known how you really felt off the bat, none of that bullshit would have happened. I would have treated you differently. I would have acted differently around you. I would have been your girlfriend instead of that bleach-blonde bimbo. But that's okay. We're still young, right? "keep it 100" ... right?

Well, I just want you to know that even as friends, or whatever we were, I did care about you. Not only because I had feelings for you, but because you're a human being and I knew how much you needed someone to just give a shit about you. Because I know how awful it is to feel like no one is there for you, and how fucking lonely the world can be. But I soon realized that you're no good for me. Do I miss the FaceTime calls, texts all day and night, the hour-long phone conversations? Yeah, I do. Do I miss you? No, I really don't. Do I miss the attention, and having someone give a damn about me? Yeah, I do. Do I miss the way you talked to me if you were upset with whatever happened at work, or something I said to you? Absolutely not.

Did I wish you gave me a chance to apologize back then? Yes.

Do I wish you would have given me another chance now? No.

I learned my lesson the hard way, and I know I'm a shitty person. But at least I won't have to walk on egg shells when I'm talking to someone. I won't have to worry about what you would think, or how many girls you're talking to besides me. I don't have to do shit regarding you, and that's a nice feeling.

So, thank you for not giving me another chance, and thank you for getting the fuck over me so quickly.