Standing out in the rain, saying what could be our final goodbyes. I stood there and thought of all the things I needed to say. All of the times I needed to apologize for, the good times I needed to thank you for and recap all the lessons you taught me.
"Thank you for being such a huge part of my life, you taught me so much. You taught me to appreciate what you have while you have it. You have so much potential and I hope you take it and run with it. I'm going to love you for a long time.You were my best friend, I don't think I will ever feel the way I felt about you with anyone else. I wish I told you these things before because maybe there would have been some chance of fixing things, I needed to say these things before you left because if I didn't I would be upset with myself. Just thank you for everything."
Driving home that night gave me time to think all of this through...
Thank you for that day. Thank you for just being you. It went the best way it could. One more lunch date filled will conversation just about life, of course "Pokemon Go," basically whatever we could think of. One more trip to your house, going through baby things, playing catch and just laughing like we always did. Just one more time doing things we used to do.
Knowing that you were going to be thousands of miles away just left the most uneasy feeling in my stomach. I knew things couldn't be left the way they were, but at the same time I knew I couldn't fix what had been broken. Times have been hard, it's not easy knowing you can smile without me. We had something that was irreplaceable. Set aside the lows, the highs made me feel like I was on cloud 9. You hold such a special place in my heart and words can't describe how lucky I am that we still have the relationship we do.
Thank you for giving me the chance to give myself the closure that I needed. I will always love you, but I know what was done can never be reversed. I hope you have gained some kind of closure from all of this. Maybe some day our paths will cross again. If it's meant to be then it will be.
Life is all about learning lessons and this is one for the books. Everyone needs closure, it comes in all different sizes. It's such a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders. You need to have closure or else you are constantly asking questions, wondering if things could have went differently. Give yourself time to heal. Apologize, but don't forget about yourself.
Things might not always be perfect, but you don't run from the one who is down for you. Appreciate what you have everyday, because it can be gone in the blink of an eye. Love with all you have if you know it's right.
