You hurt my feelings so badly I never thought I'd make it. Your words cut me so deep. You may have thought you broke me and hurt me to no end, but I made it through. I thought once that door closed that was it for me. At 21 years old I thought that was it, yet there are new doors opening for me every single day. I instead learned that you opened so many doors I never knew were even available because I had blinders on for so long. I thought that everything you did was to better me and to help me, not hinder me. I know now that you did all that to make yourself feel better.
There's so many things I thought I was missing out on. There's so many things I did miss in the beginning. I missed the fact there was no one there to get my jokes, no one to text during work, there was no one there to hear how my day went, no one there to watch my favorite shows with me; I didn't have anyone to call when I came out of dentist appointments anymore. So many little, ridiculous things like that was what I missed. I didn't have anyone to call when I got good news, except my sister was there for me. She has listened to me ramble on and on about mundane things. She was even there for me even when she was nine months pregnant with her second child. The day she had her baby she called me to see how I* was doing. What kind of a selfless person is that? She is the first person I call when I have good and bad news. She is the first person I call now instead of you.
The upside to all this is I realized I no longer have that judgement I had. I no longer have the nagging to deal with. No more hearing I shouldn't be doing this or I shouldn't do that, or my personal favorite "college just isn't for you." I have the freedom to make decisions for myself (as scary as that seems at times). I no longer have that voice in my head saying, "what is he gonna say?" or "how is he going to act?" "Maybe I shouldn't bring him with me to my friend's house tonight." That is no way to act in a relationship. You should want your significant other around, you should want to take them places with you, you shouldn't have a second thought about it. You shouldn't feel such hard judgement on you every day over everything you do.
So, through all this pain I'm feeling I want to say thank you, which is something I never thought I'd say. Thank you for breaking my heart. Thank you for all the long nights. Thank you for saying all those hateful things. Thank you for kicking me while I was down. It has only made me stronger and made me realize my TRUE love is out there, and it certainly wasn't you.
To those going through a heartbreak right now:
I promise there is happiness out there. You just need to search for it and not stop until you have it. It may hurt for days or months or it may hurt for years. It may seem like it will never stop hurting, but I promise it will. I'm not going to promise you won't still feel the heartbreak sometimes, because you will.
You'll hear a song, remember something funny, or watch a show you used to watch with them and feel it all over again. It will be a process, but you will make it out. You have to remember what happiness felt like. The happiness before them. That happiness will always outweigh that heartbreak.The pain you feel after you break that toxic relationship off is temporary. It does end.
You have to remember that you will be happy again and you will feel loved again. You have to tell yourself every single day that you will make it. You will make it out of this because you are worth it every single day. You are worth your own happiness. Never forget that.
"You're ripped at every edge, but you're a masterpiece."-Halsey
