This year overall hasn't been all that wonderful. It's had some pretty amazing parts to it but looking over everything that has happened in 2018 I'm glad it's over. I started the year single. My boyfriend and I of over a year had broken up and two people who I thought were my friends weren't. So not only was I single relationship wise but I was single in the way of not feeling like I had any friends. I felt so alone and my depression started to get a lot worse.
Then at the end of January, I went for my annual doctor's appointment and my doctor noticed something was wrong with my heart. We weren't sure at first because I have an addiction to coffee and so that was a possibility of making my heart beat fast but it wasn't. Me trying to figure out what was wrong with my heart went into most of February and what feels like the rest of the school year. I probably had in total of 4 or 5 EKGs, one heart echo, and two heart monitors. It felt like I was going to the doctors every week. It seemed like I had no one to talk to and it just made everything worse because I was internalizing everything, so I decided to start going to a psychiatrist and a therapist. I ended finding out that I have mitral prolapse with regurgitation. I was told that it's not serious right now and I can do everything normally. Yet I still use this as an excuse to not exercise.
After I graduated high school in June everything was going well for a little bit. I knew what college I was going to, I got into their art school, and I even made friends at freshmen orientation. Overall the summer was pretty good. At least until the end of July. I stopped being friends with someone that I had reconnected with and I had been sexually harassed. I couldn't wait until I left for college. I thought it was going to be a fresh start and life would be much better and it was much better for a little bit. However, then I had gotten sexually assaulted twice, I started to feel all alone again, and I was having a crisis about what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't want to leave my bed and I didn't want to see anybody. In the end, the only real reasons why I left my room was for classes and for my sorority. At the end of this semester, I was leaving my room to hang out with people though. At one point one of my friends forced me to go see a movie with her which was good and I was pretty much in my friends' room that I knew from high school.
This year had good and bad. It's hard to just focus on the good when there has been what feels like a lot of bad and all I'm hoping for, for 2019 is a year for more good.
