I went to a really, really small high school, graduating with about 35 people. Which I do not complain about by any means; it’s comforting growing up seeing the same faces every day. The closer that graduation got, the more and more excited I became. Most kids I was graduating with were going off, to other in-state colleges or to out of state colleges. But for some kids like me, whose parents put most of the educational funds into my elementary and high school education, since I went to a parochial school, college was and is on me. I had to seek scholarships and find other ways to support my educational needs, which I did successfully.

Luckily, I come from a family where my parents are constantly motivating me to strive for my absolute best. So, throughout high school, I got involved in my community, I made good grades, and I focused on how I could participate in my church, whether it be through mission trips, or natural disaster clean ups, I was always wanting to get involved and spread my love for Jesus Christ with others.

Because of my constant devotion to community service, I was granted scholarships that helped me get all tuition paid, at a university in my home town, which I love! At first, I was not thankful for what I was given, because I wanted to go off so bad, but now I absolutely love my campus and everything about my university.

Unfortunately, I’ve become the good girl who went bad. Not in the sense you think, though. Yes, I have had my fair share of attending parties, but that’s not what I mean. I’ve become bad in the sense I am no longer attached to my Jesus the way I was once before. My relationship with Him isn't how it used to be, and I hang my head in shame because of that. In high school, I believed knowing Him was everything. Having a special bond with the Holy Spirit was always my number one priority; I never con. I’ve become so consumed by the aesthetically pleasing, and sometimes not so pleasing, surrounding that is college: the overwhelming amount of people to call “friends”, the constant piles of schoolwork that induces a busy schedule, and having to work just to enjoy living (i.e. going out to eat, shopping, etc.).

I have forgotten what it means to know Him and to turn to Him. I often find myself too prideful to turn to Christ when I’m in dire need of help. This is not healthy. Because of the lack of faith and weakened relationship I have with Him, I have found myself breaking down far too often because I have no where to turn. Or so I think. His love is neverending, and he is a constant, number one supporter. Not to say that my parents haven't been supportive and helpful in my struggles, but they wanted me to figure things out on my own, and by that they meant, turn to God.

The world was giving me every reason to not trust in Him, and to not turn to Him. I felt my life falling to pieces and crumbling right before my eyes. High school me would have turned to Him the second I was put in a difficult situation, rather than letting the problem surpass me, and get ahead of me, piling on top of the mountain of reasons to be stressed and not trusting.

College me, however, subconsciously believed I could battle anything, without having to turn to Him for guidance. College is about finding yourself, but I feel it’s impossible without knowing Christ. He knows you better than anyone, and only He can help you. Placing your trust in Him and giving up your stress to Him will make life more bearable. In Psalms 46:1, it states “God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress." He is always there for us, and His love is never-ending.

I am slowly finding my way back to knowing Him, but I’m definitely not doing it alone. I’ve had the motivation of my family, friends, and even former high school classmates and college classmates. One of my dearest friends from high school, Donavon, has constantly been sharing scriptures with me and helping me trace my way back to my level of spirituality prior to college. I have had members of a collegiate religious group reach out to me and help me with my spiritual journey, letting me know it’s OK to be fighting this battle, but that I don’t have to do it alone.

I believe it’s OK to enjoy yourself in college, but not to the extent where you forget who you are with God. We are at our best with Him by our side. My greatest side is with Christ; my worst side is without Him.

College is hard, but it’s even harder when you don’t know Christ.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13