We've all been there before. All of your friends are dating someone and you're the one who always says: Well... it's complicated. Even though, honestly, it shouldn't be.
I feel like lately my whole love life has been "complicated" and quite frankly, I am done.
A close friend of mine shared some wise advice with me. If after three months there's no commitment, move on. For some, three months might seem too long, or even too short, but I have decided that that's a great timemark to follow.
You deserve better. So...
To the girl who's in a "complicated" relationship,
I want to start by saying that I have been you, time and time again. Somehow, I feel as though I'm drawn to people who fear commitment.
Let's start at the beginning. You meet a boy. He sweeps you off of your feet. You want nothing more than to parade him around as your boyfriend, but he brings up the 'c' word(s) at just the thought of being in a relationship together: commitment, complicated. I don't want to be committed. It's complicated. The first time you hear the words, you're let down. Maybe you even back away because you knew from the start that you wanted more. He sneaks (or very bluntly) his way back into your life and makes you swoon again. He gets your hopes up, acts like you two are exclusive and he might even treat you better than he ever has. But God forbid you want to take him to a family event or introduce him to your friends. He then backs away again and brings up the 'c' words. It's a neverending cycle, unless you choose to break it, or he moves onto someone else.
This "relationship", or really, lack thereof, is toxic. It will break you- ruin you even, if you allow it to continue. It will attack your self-esteem and your self-confidence.
Why do we keep going through with this complicated "relationship"? Because we're afraid. We don't want to lose what has become so familiar to us. We don't want to let go of the months we've invested. We believe that he will change. We believe that we will be the one to fix him.
Complicated relationships exist as a way for one person to manipulate the other into having the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. If you continually allow others to have power over your heart, you will never find happiness. Girls, you are strong. You have a say in a relationship. If thing's aren't going the way you want them to, stand up for yourself. Say something. Do something.
If after your efforts he still doesn't want to commit, let him go. I promise you that you deserve better. And most importantly, it's not worth it. This complicated love isn't worth the tears, the heartache, the anger, the frustration, the pointless fights, because in the end, he will never choose you. Someday you'll realize that's a blessing in disguise, because why would you ever want to end up with someone who didn't want you from the start?
Sincerely,
the girl who's been there.
