Move in day slowly crept up and the amount of anxiety I had filled me. Tears and tears fled from my eyes saying goodbye to best friend, grandparents, and family. I thought I wanted to leave, but in the moment, it felt as if I didn't. The idea of leaving home was so scary to me, and I thought for sure Id want to come home immediately.
Home to me is waking up at 8am, getting in my car, driving to get a coffee at Marylou's, then coming back home only to fall back asleep till 11. Home to me is walking down stairs on a Sunday morning to smell the cinnamon rolls my dad has been cooking. Home to me is the door next to me being my sister, not a stranger. Home to me is taking a long hot shower at the end of the day, without shower shoes. Home to me is stepping outside and breathing in the fresh air of Raynham, not North Andover. Home to me is blasting music in my room without having to worry about if my roommate likes the song or not.
I was not ready to give up home.
After my parents left me on move in day, I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel sad, but I didn't feel happy. I didn't know how to feel. Being in a new environment and living with a person I had barely known for four months was a lot to take in and for once in my life I was numb.
I could hear crying down the hall of girls leaving their parents, but I didn't feel that way. I figured I was just so overwhelmed and needed to sleep the day off.
Waking up the next day, I still felt nothing.
The way my college works is we had orientation after move in day, and then classes started. While making new friends and talking to some friends I already had, I tried to figure out what everyone was doing for the weekend. When asked, most replied with “going home." I couldn't figure out why because I wasn't homesick at all. Actually, the last thing I wanted to do was go home.
The weekend came and my parents kept texting me asking if I missed them and all I could think of was no. Maybe it was because I still hadn't mentally told myself that I was at college, or maybe I was just adjusting very well.
Now, almost December I feel the same exact way. Most of my friends go home on the weekend, or if they are too far, they wish they could. I feel almost weird saying I don't feel homesick, but it's the truth. I'm not sorry for not missing home. For once in life I have adjusted to something so well that at first scared the hell out of me. I finally found where I belong, and for me it's just not home anymore.
Staying at college every weekend has forced me out of my comfort zone more than I could ever imagined. Whether I'm going out or staying in I still manage to meet new people every single weekend. College is the best time of my life, and I wouldn't trade a weekend for it to go home. All for what? To do what I usually do, sit in my room, alone. No. College is a time to push limits and try new things. College is not a time to go home every weekend sitting on your phone on a Friday night refreshing your snapchat stories only to see everyone else having fun but you. I did enough of that in high school, and will not continue down that path in high school.
So, just know if you don't feel homesick, and even the thought of leaving college for breaks leaves you with dread, just know you're not alone.