One reason I love the Christmas season, I think, is because it reminds me of Christmases as a kid. Life was easier then, and every time family got together, it was a party! But of course, no one told me how it sucks growing up. Everyone gets older and busier, so those simple reasons like, "It's Christmas, of course I'll be with my family" and memories of Christmas past continually get farther and farther in the rear view mirror. So, here is a letter to my Christmases as a kid, quite possibly inspiring you to take down a memory lane too, recognizing what a blessing those days were.

Oh Childhood Christmases,

I do miss you. I miss the trees at grandma's house (one in every room, of course) feeling like sky scrapers above me. I miss grandma's little kitchen where we would all hang out, playing cards and endless games of scrabble, with Patsy Kline's Christmas CD playing in the background.

I miss that year she bought that life sized Santa that sang and danced — just because little girl me thought it was the funniest thing ever! We sang and danced together with Santa that Christmas, and Christmases after that. I miss grandma, mom, and aunt LeeAnn spending that day in the kitchen, and me getting to "help out" — which mainly meant I got to taste everything. But that's where I realized I love how food brought people together, which lead me to pursuing my major... so, thank you, childhood Christmases, for that.

I miss aunt LeeAnn, and the fact that she would make me feel like such a card shark when playing Old Maid. She had the best reactions to me slipping her the old maid. Even though now I realize I definitely was not as sneaky as I thought. But, that is the Christmas spirit, right?

I miss my uncle Bob, a.k.a. Chives, grabbing me by the ankles and swinging me around like a pendulum. I miss his crazy jokes and listening to him and my three older male cousins cuss at the TV while watching sports. I guess I even miss all the times the guys, who were more like my brothers, played tricks on me. It was definitely a sign that Christmas was here. And it definitely made me feel special... as twisted as that sounds.

I miss Christmases at home too. When dad got too sick to travel to grandma's, we would just stay home and grandma would come to us. I loved seeing how dad would beam with being able to be more included. I love how we would sneak into the kitchen when mom wasn't looking, and sneak pieces of ham or skin off the turkey (yes, I know "eww, gross, etc." but it's actually delicious when its crispy). Even when dad was mostly bed ridden, he'd still have me go and sneak some munchies that we'd enjoy up in his room. I miss seeing the light in mom's eyes when she opened her present from dad. He always bought his girls (mom and I) jewelry, and to this day, every time I wear a piece of it, I realize how smart my dad was. He picked gifts that were ageless, and would never lose meaning. Even though he's gone, his Christmas gifts still remain. That's a true present.

A few traditions I still carry on, though. Like I still enjoy sitting in the dark with only the lights on the tree glowing, playing Christmas music softly in the background... reflecting on the past year, realizing all that has happened (good and bad). But, mainly realizing I've survived it.

As we grow up, family tends to grow farther and farther apart. That's how life works. People get busier with school, work, and their lives, so, Christmases at grandma's farm house eventually stopped, and even the farmhouse was eventually sold. People's health declined, especially dad's, so Christmas traditions changed to fit his different needs, some Christmases even being spent in the hospital. Aunt LeeAnn eventually was placed in a nursing home, but we visited her there, and she definitely was bubbly and made me feel special all the way to the end. And Chives, like my second father, who was always there for my mom and I, was that one person for me that we all need in our lives, that I could depend on being there.

What I miss most about my childhood Christmases, as it's no secret now, are the people. In the last two years I've lost my dad, my aunt, and my uncle, and a few years prior that, I also lost my grandma. Sometimes I look at my life and feel like I'm looking at a stranger's life. "This can't possibly be my life because, they're not in it." That's how we self identify, by our relationships with others: "I am a daughter, a niece, a friend...etc." But when these people start to disappear from your life, whether it was a friend you had always thought would be there, or passing of a family member, not only has that person been taken away, but a piece of you has gone missing, too.

You don't realize at the time how special these moments are — the moments where everyone is together. Why did we let ourselves drift so far away? But, childhood Christmases, it's not your fault. It's our own fault, really, for not recognizing your value at the time. But the best gift given by these past holidays, were the feeling of family.

So, every Christmas season, I reflect on you, childhood Christmases, and while I'm sad those days are over I also realize those traditions still live on in me. That someday, I'll have my own family... and I'll get to recreate the joy I had as a kid, for others. So, this holiday season, invest in your family, and your traditions. It's a gift that will grow exponentially in years to come. And that's a pretty darn special gift if I do say so myself.