Do you ever worry about the future? Like, you’re constantly wondering what you will be doing a year from now, month from now, hell, even a day from now? It’s the constant fear of the unknown, like a cliffhanger to a book that just won’t resolve its ending. The future can be terrifying for everyone, but some have it easier than others.
Take middle school students for example, their lives are simple. Every middle schooler practically has a blueprint set out for them for the next four or five years or so. As long as they are good students, they know what the next step is in their future: high school. Sure, the decision of which high school will they attend or if they’ll stay with their local district or not is always a question, but still the plan to move onto this higher form of education is generally what they know they must do next.
Now, looking at this blueprint for the future, the path between high school and college begins to get a little hazy. This part of the future can be stressful because students have one of their first big decisions they have to make. College, no college, stay at home, live on campus, out of state, in state...there are many factors that can impact the student’s future. But nowadays most students assume college is just the next step and continue on with this blueprint of life.
But after college, all hell breaks loose. The fear of the future boils up inside every college senior and they nervously wonder what in the world is next. The blueprint just stops. Like a giant cliff, the blueprint of their education just drops off and ends right before their eyes. This is the fear that is slowly setting inside of me.
18 years of schooling just ends, and like a bird leaving the nest for the first time, I’m not sure where the rest of the world will take me, and that’s terrifying. I need to know what happens next in the chapters of life. Can the blueprint just keep going? Like can I just go to "16th grade," and then "17th grade," and then just keep going until the good Lord takes me? I mean yeah I guess if you're looking into grad school... But I just need to know now what my life looks like a year from now. After I cross that stage in my scholarly regalia and grab that piece of expensive paper, and turn my tassel, it’s a whole new world for me.
Everyone always tells me, “Oh don’t worry it all works out in the end. You’ll figure out what you’re going to do.” What if I don’t? What if I never add onto my blueprint of life or move on from college or start that next step? The future is terrifying, and unfortunately, I can’t do anything about it.
If I just keep dwelling on it, it will continue to eat me from the inside out, making me question my every single decision in life. So I just sit here and wait. Wait to see how the story ends. I try to hide my worried look as the commencement ceremony creeps closer and closer, but when I don’t even know if I’ll be in the same state next year, it’s hard to pretend that everything is rainbows and butterflies.
The worst part about it is that life just keeps going. Whether I’m ready for it or not, it doesn’t politely stop to let me catch up. Life just keeps barreling through until it collides with my future. Soon I will discover where this world is taking me next. For now, I will continue with my constant worry, the fear of the unknown. The constant internal questions of, am I doing the right thing? Is this the right major for me? Will I be happy a year from now?
All I do is wait. I wait to see where my blueprint will end, and how will I be able to pick it back up again when it does.
Graduation: it’s not as cheerful and exciting as people may think. It’s the pathway to the terrifying, unknown future.
