It seems strange that we fell out of each other’s lives in the first place; we had been such good friends, friends who just clicked together. I didn’t realize it at the time, but we were the type of friends who only talked to each other because we saw each other five days of the week. We inevitably went our separate ways, and it hurt when we did. I still remember those nights needing someone to talk to, but all I could do was continue to combust on the inside, the fire only fueled more by the pain of losing our friendship. But the ashes settled, leaving calm after the storm, and I came to terms with the fact that we were no longer in each other’s lives.
But then, you met our now mutual friend and discovered that you two were the type of friends that had a connection that isn’t marred by distance, that survived all the highs and lows. I watched you guys become closer, closer than you and I had ever been, and it hurt. Our mutual friend would tell me about your late night calls until two o’clock, and the first thing I would think is that the latest conversation I had with you only went until 1:30 am, when you fell asleep. She’d show me screenshots of you with the most ridiculous Snapchat filters, and it’s a punch in the gut, knowing you’re spending all your free time being friends with her instead of me. She’d recount the times she went over to your house for homework and, in telling her story, casually gloss over the little things you do, as if they aren’t important, as if they aren’t the parts I miss the most about you.
I know this is me being petty and selfish, and I’m truly sorry for feeling like this. I never could’ve had all your friendship to myself, and I don’t know why I thought I could. I was never as good a friend to you as you were to me, but I can’t help but still want the friendship I don’t deserve. I could never apologize enough for the times I didn’t reply to your texts or listen to the rants I didn’t care about. I understand why she is a better friend, a better person, than I ever was. I understand why you’re there instead of here. I'll be okay watching your friendship from the sidelines so long that you’re the happiest you can be, for that’s the most I could ever want for you.
I just ask this from you: don’t forget about the good moments we had before you and her. Don’t forget about the time we had to split all of the leftover wings at Taco Mac, or the stupid little jokes that were admittedly somewhat funny, or the conversations we had while our homework sat neglected next to us. Those memories belong to just us two, and they mean the world to me. I hope they do to you too.
