We've all been there. Peaceful dreams of cascading waterfalls and angels serving you as puppies cuddle you, swaddled in a cocoon of happiness. Then, reality strikes. This is an issue that far too many of us simply try to "live" with. But I'm here to end the stigma. It's time we educate ourselves on the telltale signs of a colleague suffering from the shock of waking up for class, and start, one by one, to create a safer and more healthy society for these poor lost souls.
1. Denial and Isolation (7:30am to 7:47am)
The first, and longest stage, denial, and subsequent isolation, occurs from the first moment the alarm goes off and takes the victim an average of 13-17 minutes to overcome. The initial shock of an alarm ending a glorious slumber can be a lot for any one person to handle. It is not uncommon for the victim to weep uncontrollably and, in some cases, audibly ask themselves "where am I?" Unfortunately, if you are the roommate of a victim of stage one, the most healthy way for you to help them through this process is to let these emotions run their course. Interrupting the natural progression of stage one could have negative implications on the rest of the process, as the victim needs to complete this stage fully, on their own, in order to build the ever-important foundation to make it through the next four stages.
2. Anger (7:47am to 7:49am)
The most intense of the five states, anger is also the most dangerous because of its unpredictability. The effects of this stage vary from victim to victim and can range from anything as mild as disgruntled mumbles, to a destructive rampage turning the dorm room into a warzone. In any case, heavy breathing and intense staring are the most common signs of stage two (until it turns violent. Then you'll know). Again, the best course of action for the roommate of a victim is to let this stage progress naturally. Intervening in this stage is not only a safety hazard, as a stage two victim has a higher likelihood of turning violent. Keep your distance and hunker down until you feel it is safe to ask the victim if they are okay.
3. Bargaining (7:49am to 7:51am)
After the climax of anger comes the falling action of stage three, bargaining. This is where the victim begins to realize the reality of the situation, and how inevitable the outcome is. In contrast to the heightened tension and possible violence of stage two, the bargaining stage begins the period of mournful sloth in the mindset and physical characteristics of the victim. The victim begins to think to themselves "how late can I afford to be" or "I can make it through with enough coffee". It is important, as the roommate, to engage with the victim in this stage. They need reinforcement in the ideas they present, whether or not they are good ones. It is important for the victim to feel encouraged in this stage, as they are still susceptible to self-doubt, which could cause a spiral all the way back to stage one.
4. Depression (7:51am to 7:56am)
The reason why it is crucial to support the victim during stage three, is for them to be prepared for the fall plunge that will inevitably occur in stage four. Though the finish line is in sight, it takes a jump off a cliff to get there. Stage four is that cliff. All progress the victim made in the previous stages are at risk if he/she is allowed sink too far into stage four. Though, like in the other stages, it is important to let this stage have its natural run, it is imperative the the victim is monitored closely during the depression stage. Recollection of the previous three stages is possible in stage four, and, in the most rare cases, a combination of each of them. Keep in mind, you're almost there. The sun is rising.
5. Acceptance (7:56am to 8:02am)
You've made it. The final stage. This is where everything comes together. All of the anger, depression, toil, and madness of experiencing this horrific shock culminate into this final step. As you take that leap from the safe comfort of your cornucopia, you've finally built up the strength to take on the day. Ten minutes late to class isn't too bad. The important part is that you did it. In this stage, the victim has finally come to terms with fact that the world as they have known it for the past wonderful, blissful hours of sweet dozing has shifted before their half closed eyes into a hellish world of deadlines and stupid people. But the important thing is that the five stages of waking up have been completed, and you are a changed person because of them.
