There are many different ways couples show affection to each other, sending them a cute text, cooking them dinner, kissing them, buying them that thing that they really wanted, or just spending time with them. The possibilities are endless and the variety is great, and while this can create a lot of stimulation and passion in the relationship, it can also create some strife too. Often people expect their love to be reciprocated in a certain way. What happens when one partner says “I love you” many times and the other partner only hugs back? This can cause a lot of anger and even guilt, such as when one partner buys an expensive gift and the other partner does not or cannot do the same? Neither of these examples mean that one partner cares less about the other, merely that they are expressing their love in different languages.
The five “love languages” were a concept that Gary Chapman devised in order to explain this miscommunication. Chapman is a professional counselor, a relationship expert, and the author of “The Five Love Languages” series.
So what are the five love languages?
1. Touch: This includes anything from a simple hug or kiss, to flirtatious caresses, to foreplay, and finally full-blown sex. People who mainly communicate through touch insist upon holding their partner’s hand, show a little more PDA, want sex more often, and enjoy kissing their partner frequently. Touch can be a great way of keeping the passion alive in a relationship, but it can also lead to miscommunication if the other partner does not appreciate PDA or has a lower sex drive.
2. Words: This can be anything from saying “I love you” more often to writing extensive love notes, poems, or frequently telling their partner what they mean to them and why. Words can also come in the form of praise and encouragement towards their partner. Words can be incredibly helpful as a foundation for a relationship. It is said that it takes twenty positive statements to offset one negative one. Words can lead to miscommunication, however, if the other partner finds more security in actions.
3. Services: This can entail a huge variety of tasks and actions. Sometimes services can be as simple as doing errands or chores for the other person. It could also mean planning and enacting elaborate dates for their partner. Sometimes it can just be cooking dinner for their partner or fixing something of their partner’s that was broken. The great thing about services is that it can show their partner what they mean to them through actions and can help ease the stress in their partner’s life. The downside can be that services can sometimes go unnoticed as a love language or become something that is taken for granted.
4. Gifts: This can entail not only buying something expensive for their partner, but also buying or making something thoughtful. It can be as buying flowers or a nice meal or as complex as making a piece of art for their partner. Gifts are good because they can be seen as physical proof of a person’s love for their partner. Like services, though, it can be taken for granted. It can also make the other partner feel inadequate or angry because they cannot or do not want to return the favor with more gifts.
5. Time: Perhaps the most elusive of the love languages. This consists of spending time together, making time for each other, and organizing time together. Time is also dependent on the quality of the time spent together. Time can often be one of the important aspects of a relationship and provides many opportunities and moments for intimacy in a relationship. However, even time can lead to miscommunication if the other partner does not feel it is as important or wants more space in the relationship.
As a fun activity, whether you’re single, in a relationship, or “it’s complicated,” think about how you express your love. What is your main love language?
