I was recently going through Mindy Kaling's autobiography where she stated the different titles that were in the standing to become the name of her book. Since that idea was already taken, I was inspired and decided to brainstorm a couple I would begin my autobiography as well, you know, in the event that I actually become famous one day.

1. Let me begin by saying that picking up this book was probably the worst way to spend your $7.99 (or $4.99 if you bought the ebook, you cheap penny-pincher).
2. I only decided to write this as an excuse to rant about how tall people think it’s okay to use short people as an arm rest, that and how physical education in high school is a trigger for post-traumatic stress disorder.
3. SPOILER ALERT: I become an inspiration to young people and still always forget to floss.
4. To start off, I just want to say to all my haters, who's talking now!
5. ‘‘Daddy I’m going to be killed’’. That is the beginning of Victoria Beckham’s autobiography which I am inserting here for no apparent reason.
6. I would like to believe that you picked up this book because everyone is talking about it.
7. I would like to believe that you picked up this book because you want to learn from my stories of failure and success (I know, how obnoxious) but you are only in for a stream of bad jokes and confusing Walking Dead references.
8. !!@??
9. So this is kinda awkward but I think I’m low-key famous now which is why I am justified in indulging myself in such an obnoxious activity as writing an autobiography.
10. [insert a captivating, subtly nuanced and humor induced first sentence when you are enlightened by one]