F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, “There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.”
And I pray that’s true.
My first love happened exactly when I needed it. It happened right when I was overwhelmed with college applications and extracurricular activities and with being a senior in high school. It happened just as I came up for fresh air.
Up until my senior year, love had never been anything I had time for. I was too busy thinking about who I was and who I wanted to be to ever be dumb enough to fall in love at 17.
But then I did.
I fell so fast and so fiercely that sometimes I still can’t believe it happened. He had blue eyes and a contagious laugh. He changed the radio station every time a bad remix of a good song came on. He had rough hands and said “dude” a lot. He opened the door for me every time and anywhere. It took one kiss to realize how badly this would all hurt when it ended.
One night, it did end. It all just fell apart without any true explanation. It took months for me to get over it.
But I did.
Moving on past your first love is an incredibly difficult task. It’s terrifying realizing that you’re in love for the first time, but it’s even more terrifying realizing that one day, it’s going to end.
When it does end, you cry and you cry and you cry. You go through every last conversation in slow motion trying to pick out the pieces that were red flags.
You start to wonder if maybe you wouldn’t have yelled at him over something stupid the previous week, would you be in this much pain right now. And every time you close your eyes, you just see his.
You don’t even have to be touched to feel like you’re going to shatter.
But then one day, you wake up and you notice it hurts just a little bit less.
You still can’t eat frozen yogurt or drive by the restaurant you had your first date at; but you turn up the radio when the song you love that he use to hate comes on.
You slowly start to put yourself back together but in the process, you realize that you’ve become someone different.
You’ve become someone that knows what it’s like to love and be loved. You’re stronger but at the same time, even more delicate. You know what you have to lose now every time you meet a boy you could potentially like.
Every now and then you get a flood of feelings when you see his friends but you quickly remind yourself that you’ll be happy and that you’ll find love again.
The beauty of the first love is that it’s the rawest and true. You give everything because it’s the only thing you know how to give. No one else will ever receive as much of you as they did. A piece of them will always be with you because it holds the innocence and belief that love is magic
