In my first semester of college I learned more life lessons than I could have ever imagined. One of the most important ones I had to go through was heartbreak, everyone goes through it, it’s unpleasant and miserable but it’s also a part of life. I can remember the night he told me he had been “hanging out” with another girl, I lost it. I have never cried so hard in my life, it was almost like an out of body experience, because I’d never known that kind of pain before. Yes I know everyone says heartbreaks are cliché and you should just get over them. Trust me, if it was that easy I would have. When he told me that, so many things flashed through my head, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? What did I do wrong?” My whole body was in shock. I started shaking because I was crying so much I could taste the salt from my tears, my eyes were bloodshot red and my mascara was running down my face causing black streaks for a good hour. My pillow was soaked wet with my tears. His scent lingered on my pillowcase, which was the only thing he left behind. Of course like any other girl with a broken heart I sat in my bed, ate cookie dough ice cream and listened to sad music.

The next morning I didn’t wake up until it was past one o’clock and it was only because I had to turn in a paper for an important class and then of course I skipped the rest of my classes that day because I couldn’t stomach the thought of being at school without him. That night, I will never forget because I didn’t know it was possible for a person to feel that awful. It felt like I had given my everything to someone and they took it stomped on it, chewed it up, spit it back in my face and best of all didn’t even care. That night when my heart was in pieces and fragile, I just shoved our memories and my broken heart under the rug because that was the only way I knew how to handle it. Obviously I had to take my life day by day after that.

Here’s the background story on this guy. I met him on the very first night of college at a frat party, with the smell of liquor and teenage rebellion in the air, we just talked. We just talked outside of the party for a good two hours and I think those few hours of just genuine conversation is really what got me interested. After that night things just clicked between us and we were together 24/7. I created memories with him that I will never forget, no matter how badly I want to. There was this quote I came across in the middle of my heartbroken mess by Ugo Eze “Be careful who you make memories with. Those things can last a lifetime.” The truth is I was stupidly open to love and all it had to offer, so I was going to get my heart broken one way or another. I think that’s why it affected me so much, because like so many other things in life I had such high expectations for love and when those expectations weren’t met I found myself disappointed. People always hype up love like it’s some kind of drug, which it definitely can be if you share it with the right person. Obviously I haven’t found my person yet, and that’s okay too.

Through this whole painful, miserable and eye-opening experience I’ve learned so much about myself. That night when I sat in my bed and listened to sad music I also started looking up quotes because I thought maybe it would help me grasp the reality of what I was going through and be able to relate to something. I came across a quote that helped me start the process of moving on. The quote was “In order for a wound to heal you have to stop picking at it.” It was the most honest thing I had read that whole night. I would go back and look at all of our pictures and think of all the good times we had, but that wasn’t helping me, it was only making it worse. The truth is I was blinded by who I thought he was that I couldn’t see who he really is.

It took me a long time to realize that there’s nothing wrong with me, it just wasn’t meant to be. You’ll never be good enough for some people and that’s a flaw in them not you. People are allowed to change their minds and aren’t obligated to owe you a thing. That may be a little harsh, but it’s true. You have to learn to love yourself before letting others love you, that way you know what you really deserve in the end. Through that whole transition, I met so many new friends because I wasn’t spending all my time with a boy and I met the very best friend I could ever ask for. I learned that I didn’t come to college to find a boy to waste my time with but to get a degree and build a career for myself. I also learned that even though it’s close to impossible to think about when bad things happen to you, something good will come out of it. You may have to go through some tough times but it's so important to remember that everything happens for a reason. I may not be as stupidly open to love as I was before and not trust people as easily as I would have but that may not be such a bad thing either.