"Do I look fat in these jeans?"
This is dangerous territory, my friend. You do not hesitate. You do not even glimpse at her booty to see if she’s put on a couple pounds. You say “No babe, you look great” even if it looks like they’re about to rip open faster than Chris Farley’s coat in Tommy Boy. And when she asks you if you’re lying, tell her how much of goddess she is until she believes it.
“The funny thing is…”
I’m only going to say this once. SHE DID NOT FIND ANYTHING FUNNY. Odds are, she has a detailed introduction, body and closing paragraph ready for your sorry ass to explain exactly what is most definitely not humorous. So in response to this terrifying precursor, run to the store, pick up 7 for $27 and a #4 from Taco Bell with chips and cheese, and apologize until she forgets what “the funny thing was”.
“Is she prettier than me?”
She clearly knows that Kendall Jenner is a bit more genetically gifted than her (seriously who can compete with that?), but she wants to be reassured that she is YOUR Kendall Jenner. Once again, just let her know how smokin’ you think your girl is and remind her as much as you can. She puts in a lot of work to look good for you, so make sure she feels appreciated.
“I’ll be ready in five!I suggest you find something interesting on TV or pick up a good new book, because she is most definitely not going to be ready in five. Odds are, she has a hot outfit picked out and probably looks like a 10/10, but she is going to change her mind several more times before she’s ready to go out. So sit back and relax, bae is going to be a couple of minutes.
“No.”
This is one of the few things in the female language that she actually means, so when she says “no”, you better listen.
“Fine, go ahead.”
If you two have been arguing and she urges you to do something that she would normally be upset about, you better stop right in your tracks. Consider this phrase as you would consider a late-noticed yellow light; it’s tempting to go, but you know you’re getting caught and it’ll be a lot more upsetting than if you would’ve just slammed on your breaks. So just please, for the sake of her sanity, slam on the fricken breaks.
“It’s just a night out with the girls.”
A lot of guys imagine a sloppy night out at the club filled with 50 male models buying their girl drinks when in reality, she’s probably going to her friend Sarah’s to eat pizza and watch Titanic. So relax man, if she’s telling you she’s just chilling out with her friends, she probably is.
*Silence*
First of all, what did you do? Second of all, she’s over it. You need to give her space to think, and if she wants to talk to you, she will. But odds are she is tired of trying and you have repeatedly done something that causes her to not want to try anymore.
“Thank you.”
This is something she means and wants you to take seriously. You may not think so, but a good girl realizes how much of a pain she is and truly appreciates you putting up with her. Yes, she may be crazy, but she does it out of love so understand that you’re a bomb BF and she doesn’t want to lose you.
Girls are very intricate creatures and just like any group, they may be hard to understand. So next time she uses any of these phrases, respond in the following ways and you’re in the clear.
