I was impatiently waiting for my burger lettuce wrap. At my request, my family had chosen to go to the restaurant of my choice for dinner during our trip to Disneyland. We had been hosting an exchange student for the school year and as a thank you, her parents paid for my whole family to go to Disneyland. We had waited over an hour to get inside the restaurant and now I was the last to get my food. Everyone else was eating. And then it came, a plate covered in lettuce.
I picked at it. “This isn’t a burger.”
My mom smiled at me. “No, it’s a lettuce wrap. It’s meat wrapped with lettuce. Were you expecting a normal burger?”
“Yeah.”
“I can ask the waitress to bring us something else.” My mother suggested. After pouting and debating with myself, I decided to get a normal burger and make my family wait even longer. The menu should have been more clear.
Each minute I waited for my real burger, my moody 13-year-old self got angrier and angrier. This was not how dinner was supposed to go.
Much to my dismay, my family’s mood did not match mine. Ready for more excitement, we reentered the park for more rides. I sat out on a bench with my vertigo-ridden mother. Once everyone else was in line, my mother leaned in and whispered to me, “You’re being rude.”
I said nothing, but I knew she was right, which only made me angrier. I felt hopeless in my fight against my bad disposition. I sunk deeper in my angst.
As I write this story, I’m cringing thinking about publishing it. Instead of being softly reminded that I was being rude, I should have been slapped and yelled at. “You’re at Disneyland, you brat! Get over yourself.” That is what I deserved.
I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here if I say that we’ve all had moment similar to mine. When we didn’t see the things that are in front of us. In my case I didn't see the free Disneyland trip, or my fun family, or the good food or the day I had just enjoyed. I acted ungratefully, and my question is: why? I had so much to be thankful for.
I could tell you that it was partially because I was impatient, or because I felt guilty because I made everyone wait or because I was hungry, but none of those things matter. They are not in proportion with the things that I had to be thankful for.
I was ungrateful because I chose to be ungrateful. Without knowing it, I had chosen to rejoice in a certain set of circumstances before we got to the restaurant. When I originally told my family that I wanted to go to the restaurant, I had an idea of how the dinner was going to go. In my mind, the line would go fast, the waiters would be nice, the food would be amazing and my whole family would tell me that they were glad I suggested that restaurant.
What I had gone to dinner with was expectations, demands from fate, in order for my joy to be full, and when those things didn't happen, I was unhappy.
Many claim that the Bible doesn't tell us to be happy, but joyful. They explain that happiness is based on circumstances and joy is based on your standing with God. But your standing with God is a circumstance of your life, not an earthly one—a heavenly one. Happiness has a connotation of light-hearted bliss, and is seen in the moment a little kid finds out she is going to Disneyland instead of school. This is certainly not the joy that Paul commands the Philippians in his letter. Paul says he is rejoicing because "Christ is proclaimed," (1:18) "the Philippians' belief," (1:4-5) and "the church was unified," (2:2). Joy is not made despite our circumstances, but because of them. We just chose to rejoice in a certain set of circumstances that God rejoices in.
But even in dry, hard times where we can see no fruit in our lives, or our fellow believer disappoints us, or people hate us because of the gospel, joy is still available. During the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus encouraged His followers, while speaking about persecution of believers, with the words, "Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven" (Matthew 5:12). He was asking them not to forget about their persecution, but rather to look at them in light of their standing before God. If you really are a redeemed child of God, that news is good all the time, even when someone is threatening to kill you because of it. It is always something to ponder with wonder about, even in the midst of trials. It never becomes not good. And no persecution or hard day can ever dull it- hard things only make our desire for God sharper.
As believers, when we are unhappy, we are unhappy despite our circumstances, not because of them. We have forgotten reality, we have forgotten who we are. We are children of the Almighty God, let us never forget that. Don't be like me complaining about my food when Disneyland is just a step away. When unpleasant little things bother us, we forget that suffering makes God look even greater. If our life is full of suffering, we have more to look forward to in the next life.
Whenever my joy is incomplete, I try to remember to pray this verse. Psalm 51:12 “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” There is always joy to be had in the fact that I know I have been redeemed by God, that I have been granted salvation despite my wicked heart.
