So here you are, you have somehow stumbled upon this article, maybe it was while scrolling through social media or maybe just through another random internet binge. However you found this, I'm glad you're here! You're probably wondering at this point what they heck the 'Equity Theory' is an how it is going to relate to your relationships. Well let me tell you. The Equity Theory, " is based in the idea that individuals are motivated by fairness, and if they identify inequities in the input or output ratios of themselves and their referent group, they will seek to adjust their input to reach their perceived equity." Basically this means that we judge our investment and input in our relationships with the investment being put in by the other person (or people) and that we are dissatisfied and unmotivated when we feel that our investment has been greater than others.
Ok, so that sounds a little too scientific to be in an article about relationships, but it is applicable! Obviously we want to receive as much as we put in, that's a common fact, but what happens when you're the type of person who despite your dissatisfaction in equity continues to keep on giving?
You are the type of person who continues to love and does not receive the same love back. You are they type of person who continues to be a light in other's lives even when they are a darkness in yours. You are they type of person who would give anything for someone who will not give anything for you.
This is me, and I am writing this article because I am sure that this is a lot of you too. (Hence, why you clicked on the link). This is meant to be the encouragement and the pouring into you that you deserve.
Whether the relationship that you continue to pour into is with your friends, your family, or your significant other, this one truth remains; God has made you to be this person in someone's life for a reason even if you cannot see it. Notice that this is the Equity Theory, and not the Equality Theory. This means that one side is most likely receiving more than the other, and you, being the continuously loving person that you are, feels like you are the one always getting the 'short end of the stick'. This is true. You are not receiving the amount of love that you deserve to.
But then why is it so hard to walk away?
This is because your love is genuine, and genuine love cannot be suppressed. Think of the perfect love of Jesus, He definitely did not deserve death on the cross, but because of His pure love for us, He willingly took the undesirable outcome. This was because of nothing that we did, but because of the feelings that He had for us. This is you! We know that our love is not as perfect and pure of that of Jesus but we do know that God had made us to reflect an image of His son, and this is what your love does, be proud of that!
People will tell you to give up, and that it is not worth it, and most of the time, they are right. It is not worth it. However, this does not mean that you should decrease the amount of love that you wish to share in fear of getting hurt. That being said, scripture does instruct us: "Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23). Our heart is what will be shown to the world, so we want to put it on display looking its best, which means taking care of ourselves in order that we are able to then take care of others. I know for someone like you, people like us, that this is easier said then done. We think that we can change the world, or at least change the people in it through constantly pouring our love and energy into them. This is simply just not true, we cannot change the world by exhausting ourselves for the sake of others.
However there is hope! Hope both for the world and four our loving souls. I once heard in a sermon that, "We are to act as the moon, reflecting the light of the sun in the darkness." It is not our job to change the world on our own, but rather it is our job to have our love reflect the love of God. Where we cannot change the world, the Holy Spirit can! Let us not take lightly the importance of Christ death and the input of the Holy Spirit into our lives. That is what will change the world.
So my dear fellow ever-loving souls, do not grow weary. Guard your hearts. Remember that your genuine love is in low supply and in high demand. Know that you do deserve to have someone love you as you have loved them. And know that God is using you in ways that are unimaginable. You are truly special, and because of you, there is light in the world.
Let me conclude with a prayer for you:
Thank you for taking the time to create each one of us in your perfect image. Thank you for our ever-loving souls and thank you for letting us know that it is through this that we will advance your Kingdom. Lord help my brothers and sisters understand that they are worth more than they could ever imagine. They were worth death on the cross because you would rather face Hell for them than have Heaven without them. Lord help them to not grow weary by giving them rest, and Lord, put people in their lives who will give them the same genuine love that they have given others.
In Jesus Name,