The Empire Strikes Back: From Reel To... Real?

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. A movie that many know about, and many consider to be the greatest movie ever made. In fact, it is arguably this writer's favorite movie of all time as well. The Empire Strikes Back was the first movie in the Star Wars franchise (technically, second, since Revenge Of The Sith happened, but that was a prequel and was released 25 years later, so....) in which the Empire got the upper hand on the Rebellion. Luke Skywalker found out Darth Vader is his father, Han was frozen in carbonite, the Rebel base on Hoth was destroyed by AT-ATs, Lando betrayed Han by selling him out to Imperial forces and Leia, Chewie and the droids were unable to rescue Han from Boba Fett.

Why am I telling you this? Well, after going around a bit and exploring the events of the year and watching a ton of movies, I realized something: what if we're living events of the movie right now? Funnily enough, the Presidential Election can be compared to The Empire Strikes Back. I know this sounds crazy and probably far-fetched, but that's the thing about art: you can make something and then years later, it may have parallels to what is going on in your life. And from what I'm about to describe below, I think this is Star Wars' moment in the limelight.

The movie begins three years after the Rebels destroyed the Death Star and defeated the Empire, and the Imperial forces are now trying to find ways to get the upper hand again. It's been four years since President Obama was reelected and the Republican party lost the election, and the Republicans are now trying to find ways to get the upper hand again. The Empire lanuches a ground assault on the Rebels with AT-ATs and destroy the base, but the Rebels escape. The Republican party unleashes a new candidate named Donald Trump and begin to get people to side with them, but the Democrats evade. Among the stars, the Millennium Falcon evades the Star Destroyers, but the hyperdrive motivator is damaged and it can't go to light speed and despite success, there is eventual failure. At the conventions, the Democrats make a strong case against the Republicans, but Hillary is unpopular for many and despite success, there is eventual failure.

Luke meets Yoda, who teaches him the ways of the Force, but Luke is hasty and decides to fight Vader without proper decision making (and advice). Hillary Clinton meets Bernie Sanders, who shows her there are other ways to get things done than she's saying, but Hillary is hasty and decides to contest Trump anyway without proper decision making (and advice). Lando and Han have had differences, but everything seems to resolved in Bespin, until Lando betrays Han and the others because of a deal with the Empire. James Comey and Hillary have had differences, but everything seems to be resolved in Washington, until James reopens the email case and gets Hillary into hot water again because of unknown reasons (I took liberties with this connection). Vader defeats Luke. Trump defeats Hillary. Luke, Leia and the rest escape the full grasp of the Empire at the last second and have a momentary victory. Hillary beats Trump in the popular vote by 2 million votes at the last second and has a momentary victory.

Realizing this was probably a bit crazy, I decided to go through the dialogue of the film and found that if you changed some of the dialogue in a couple of scenes, it forms a bridge between now and the movie. Observe.

Vader (Trump): What is it, Bannon?
General Veers (Bannon): Mr. President, Congress is in session. They have met the demands of a protest happening outside your tower right now. This protest is primed to defect any obstructions.
Vader: The people are now really alerted to our presence. Vice President Pence triggered the Hamilton cast and the other citizens too soon after the election.
General Veers: He-he felt surprise was wiser--
Vader: He is as clumsy as he is stupid. Bannon, prepare the governors for a renegotiation.
General Veers: Yes, My Lord

In the end, I decided to talk about this incredibly small thing because this has been a difficult two weeks for many, and I understand that, and the power of satire and humor works in these situations because it brings you back to a better time in the world, and hopefully, we'll get back to that soon. But you have to start slowly. Now that I've said that, you want to go watch The Empire Strikes Back, don't you?

(Now, this entire article is satire, of course, but I'm sure someone is going to look at it and find ways to threaten me because you can't have fun anymore. Honestly, lighten up. It's been two tough weeks. Thanksgiving is in two days. Have fun)