My grandma Helen, better known simply as “Gram” in my family, has taught me (and continues to teach me) many life lessons over the years. I hold these eight as the most important lessons she has taught me so far:
- Imagination
- My grandmother grew up extremely poor, in a tiny apartment where she had to share a bed with two of her other siblings. Her and her sister used to walk the streets of their town and “window shop,” pretending to buy every single thing they liked. When I was a child, my grandmother instilled in me this same sense of imagination. I was the child that could “keep herself occupied” playing games I made up, or spending time with my imaginary friend “Jennifer”—my mother called me a free spirit. What’s wonderful about a lively imagination is that with it, you can never be lonely, or poor.
- Patience
- I think there is only one time I ever witnessed my grandmother being angry, and it was so long ago I don’t even remember what it was about. Whether it is taking care of children or simply being the overall calming force in family-related disputes, my grandmother is the best at remaining collected in all situations. Patience is something I could definitely use more of, and watching my grandmother gives me hope that such patience can be achieved.
- Kindness
- My grandmother told me a story of how she took in a childhood friend of hers, who, when they were younger, had grown up wealthy with a maid and a bathtub—something my grandmother found particularly lovely. Later in life, when this same friend was in need, my grandmother took her and her children into her home without question. Sometimes we can become so caught up in our own life and stresses that our kindness slips away (such as when you’re running late and the Starbucks barista is super slow), but kindness is not hard. Slowly, I’m learning to catch myself when frustration sets in at the customer in front of me who is taking too long to pay for her food. What is the big deal if I’m a little late to wherever I need to be? You can make a person’s day simply by being kind toward him or her—not only that, but you will feel better too.
- Natural Beauty
- When I was younger and would visit my grandmother’s house, I loved to go into her bathroom where there was a vanity. There, I would try on all of my grandmother’s fancy creams, her lipstick and mascara, and I would brush my hair with her comb. My grandmother loved to either French braid or curl my and my younger sister’s hair, and she told us that “for soft, smooth hair, brush your hair 100 times each night before bed.” My grandmother, to this day, has beautiful skin and hair. To her, beauty is something that requires upkeep but is never fake or overdone—natural beauty.
- Forgiveness
- My grandmother’s first husband cheated on her with a woman she knew, and this same woman now attends many of our family gatherings. I have not once witnessed my grandmother emit anger towards this woman, and in fact, they are on incredibly amiable terms. I find my grandmother’s will to forgive both remarkable and admirable.
- How to make a good cup of tea
- My grandmother is never without her cup of tea, and if you ever visit her home you will first be asked, “Do you want a cup of tea?” and then presented with over twenty different options of tea. My grandmother taught me that you must boil the water and let the tea steep for an adequate amount of time (about five to eight minutes) in order for it to be a truly good cup of tea.
- Love
- Love should always come first. If a family member or friend needs you, you attend to him or her. My grandmother gives love generously—she provides her home, her homemade chocolate chip cookies, her warm tea and hugs, her listening and her advice—whenever a family member or friend needs these things. She also never faults herself for being in love, or for demonstrating her emotions. My grandmother admits that her first husband was “not a good husband, and not a good father—just a good looking man,” yet she does not dismiss her love for him either. She told me that she was simply “in love” at the time. While she may have loved the wrong man, her commitment and devotion to that love—how she tried to make it work numerous times—is something laudable I find missing in today’s relationship world.
- To Not Allow Your Circumstances Define You
- My grandmother grew up poor, with an alcoholic father who was abusive towards her mother and who eventually committed suicide in jail. She was pregnant at sixteen, lost one of her children at birth, and had an unfaithful husband before remarrying. Despite her circumstances, my grandmother is a kind and loving person who reads so much you would never know she never attended college. My grandmother never uses her past circumstances as grounds for treating other people rudely, and she views the world more positively than most people I know.
