Marriage is defined as "the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship." This definition seems SO simple compared to what all it actually is... Marriage to some is just a piece of paper with a name change on it, a "legal" way of saying 'we've been together for five years so this is the next step,' or just something two people agree on doing to make their relationship official. To me, marriage is a sacred and special commitment to another person, a dedication to one person that should be valued and honored. It's much much much more than the textbook definition and it comes with many different roles, duties, responsibilities, and meanings. So, I've created a blog with some of the things I think that marriage is and what you should be prepared for.
First things first, BE PREPARED TO BE PATIENT!
You cannot include yourself in a committed marriage and expect things to happen every time your way, you cannot have ridiculous expectations that your husband will do everything you ask him to the first time or the right way every time. Not going to happen. Be patient. Remember that this is new for the both of you, regardless if this is not your first marriage, you are both starting a new marriage with each other the same time, so it is going to be a completely new learning experience. You both will have disagreements and you will have breakthrough's, but they will both happen on their own time. Remember that you are a team and you both have to lean on each other for understanding and help. When you feel like you are at the end of your rope, reach to your spouse for help to pick up where you are leaving off. Where you may come into issues is when your spouse is also feeling at the end of their rope, and now you both have to bring patience back to the table to help each other through the rough patches in life. There will be many and there will be times that you seem like you will fight to the end, but you have to be prepared to be patient.
Communication seems to be the most common issue in marriages these days and I can see why... it is so easy not to communicate. We'd rather just text about an issue, post vague statuses on Facebook, anything to indirectly communicate with one another. It's hard to sit down and look someone in the eye and explain things to them and validate your side of a story so consequently we would rather do it behind a screen where we can feel somewhat protected from the pain we may have experienced from a personal conversation.
Another big one is FORGIVE! No one is perfect, no one is going to do everything right, and mistakes are inevitable. Now, with saying this I'm not saying throw your self worth out the window and forgive your spouse for severe mistakes that you feel you cannot come back from, but remember that forgiveness IS FOR YOU! I always say, a good rule to have is that you always work things out even if its a week from the actual problem. We can't always forgive instantly because the hurt has made us build a wall around our hearts for a while, sometimes it takes a little time to let the walls down in order to confront those feelings and that particular issue at hand, AND THAT IS OKAY! When you both have had some time to think things over and recollect, it is important to forgive one another because after all we all make mistakes and we all deserve understanding during these times.
LOVE LANGUAGES.
If you have not gotten the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, do yourself and your marriage a favor and buy it. I was given 4 copies of this book when I got married. I figured it was a little over-kill, but let me tell you now.. that book is a life saver. There is also a quiz online you can take to find out your love language list, and it really helps put your needs into perspective for you and your spouse. Communicating in your own love language to your spouse is going to do absolutely nothing for your spouse. If they communicate with 'words of affirmation' and you are constantly doing 'acts of service' you will never be able to successfully communicate to them in their love language. Again, if you have been trying hard to communicate love to your spouse, reading into their love language could be what you need to communicate effectively.
Your marriage can be so many different things. One thing it will never be: ANYONE else’s.
