There are many ways a friend can die. In our arms, in our heart, in our mind… Sometimes death isn’t always the physical but something else. Because I have never experienced a time where a friend has died, I will not really be speaking about that other than this: death is extremely hard on the living. For non-religious people, it can be exponentially hard because they do not have that comfort that they are somewhere in an afterlife or reincarnated or in a better place so to speak. For them, they’re just gone forever and now they will never be able to spend another moment with them. For some religious people it could be hard because they might believe that they are not in a better place but in a worse place. They could be in a Heaven or a Hell, depending what you believe. But this message is for Christians, if they believed in God and the resurrection, take comfort that they are happy and are not in any pain. That they have found a better place and that we should be rejoicing of that. If there’s anyone to pity, then pity the living. Yes, I got that from Albus Dumbledore, but it’s a good quote and it’s true.
Now I shall discuss the other types of death in a friend. Sometimes these types of deaths can be a death in character. Have you ever looked at a friend that you have known all of your life and thought, that is not who they once were or that’s not who they are supposed to be? I have. I’ve had some of my friends go down a dark path sometimes involving skewed thoughts, drugs, alcohol, just completely lost their way. Sometimes it’s not just the cliché “bad stuff.” I’ve seen some of my friends change not because that they feel like they should to become more like themselves, but to conform to society and those around them. I look at them and sometimes I think, this isn’t who they want to be. I can see underneath their fake plastic veneer that there is a face of sadness. A face that is trapped and cannot escape an encampment in which they have trapped themselves in and thrown away the key themselves. Sometimes they are too deep in their act that they begin to believe that is who they are supposed to be and that is even sadder. Sometimes they turn into something that wasn’t the person you became friends with in the first place but since they have changed, you feel an obligation to stay and try and help them but in reality you sometimes want to let them go because they weren’t who they once were.
Another type of death in a friend is distance. So maybe your friend hasn’t changed at all and when you hang out together you can laugh and talk and joke and pretty much do anything you ever did before. However, college happens and you two are separated for miles upon ends in different counties. Maybe different states. You try to stay in touch as best you can but times gets the best of you and maybe you miss the last couple video chats you set up. Sooner than later, you realize that you haven’t talked to this person in forever. You don’t even know what’s going on in their life anymore. Sometimes that feels like you lost them. Even though you two have never changed, the distance and apart and the time increments in which you see each other widen and lengthen prevent you from retaining that strong bond you once had. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it as you watch your once strong friendship drift away right in front of your face.
The last type of death that I will talk about is the sudden death. I consider this to be one of the worst. Let’s say you and your friend are out and something happens and you both find yourself on opposite ends of the spectrum. You argue, fight even, and you both walk away pissed off at each other. Sometimes you guys can overcome your differences but this time it was different. This time it hit really closer to home and neither of you want to discuss or talk or see each other ever again. Some days go by and in reality you do want to see each other again. You just want to hug it out and forget the whole thing ever happened but you wait for the other person to do it first. When that doesn’t happen for a couple of more days, you try and build up the courage to talk to them but you can’t because whenever you try you feel like that they still hate you for what you did. So, what happens? You just never talk again and what was built up for all of those many years are wasted. You may see each other in passing but you may try not to look at the other but yet curiosity and longing for the past forces a glance out of you. You both try and act like nothing in the world is the matter which just discourages the situation even more for the both of you. Some may think, forgetting is easier.
