Battle Of The Heartbreak

"Sometimes you just feel tired, you feel weak. When you feel weak, you feel like you just want to give up. You have to search within you and find that inner strength, just pull it out of you and get that motivation to not give up. Don't be a quitter, no matter how hard you want to fall flat on your face and collapse."

If you are reading this and you are obsessed with rap music just as much as I am, you will recognize the above quote. It is a quote that I currently live by and can resonate with. We've each experienced that one breakup where we felt as if our heart had been ripped out of our chest and stomped on repeatedly.

That breakup that kept us in bed for days at a time until we realized it was finally the day to pick ourselves up, shower, get dressed and take on whatever life may throw. At times, you may feel weak almost to the point of giving up. As my favorite rapper once said, you have to find that motivation to not give up and pull that inner strength out of you. As much as you may try and fight it, you know it is there.

All of us can relate to the pain of a breakup. Sure, each one is different and yet, they’re always the same. I spent nearly six years with a man I was set to marry and though many future plans were made together, life doesn’t always work out that way. I began pouring more of myself into writing once my relationship ended last year.

Writing became therapy for me and I encourage so many others to find that outlet in which you can save yourself. When the relationship ended, I found myself depressed, anxious and finding unhealthy fixes to cope with it all. What I quickly and painfully found was that those “fixes” were in fact making things much worse.

Essentially I began sinking into this dark whole from the unhealthy ways in which I was choosing to cope, while on top of that, dealing with depression. I want to make it known that when you realize you are battling depression, it is not healthy to add a depressant, such as alcohol, on top of it. You will eventually spiral out of control.

The location in which I got engaged was Asheville, NC. If you’ve never been, you must go! About an hour West, is a place called Banner Elk, NC. Banner Elk holds one of the best views I have ever laid eyes on. Grandfather Mountain is breathtaking, with views for miles and miles. Two years ago, I was taking my engagement pictures in this exact location wondering how life could get any better than it was in that moment. Almost two years later, I made my return back to the very spot which holds bittersweet memories and decided to get pictures taken, once again. This time, however, I was by myself, single, and searching for the closure that I knew was much needed.

Surviving heartbreak can be one of the hardest trials you will go through in life. Sure, there are far worst things than a breakup and yet, breaking up at any age after any period of time, is tough. Many nights after the breakup ended, I would lay in bed wondering if the right decision was made. I spent half a decade with someone. You don’t spend that amount of time and that person not have a piece of you and vice versa. Someone once looked at me and said, "Stand in your pain." Don't stay in that place for long as it could cause more harm than good, however, embrace the pain and set it free.

Life is constantly changing and unfortunately, breakups and divorces happen. Life isn't always beautiful. I never quite understood why God brings people into our lives for them to be taken out as well. I've questioned that for a while now and yet, how are we supposed to grow if these things don't take place?

If you are currently going through a break up, a divorce, or life is just bringing you down at the moment, one piece of advice I can give is to make time for yourself. Truly make time for you. Use this moment to process the upcoming changes that are about to occur in your life because you're about to experience or already are experiencing many. I have learned more about myself this year than I ever have. I could not have experienced the personal growth needed within myself had I not been given this time.

We as humans change all throughout our twenties. It is a fact and anyone that tells you otherwise, has no clue what they are speaking of. I am sure most of us can relate and agree when I say, the girl I was four years ago, is not who I am now. What I want for those who are reading this to understand is it is okay to feel alone, sad, angry, happy or whatever feelings you may be experiencing. We are human and it wouldn't be normal if you didn't experience these types of feelings. One thing to remember is always love yourself and understand, you are enough.

This shall pass. Give it time and keep God close along the way.