A child’s bond with their mother is usually formed before they take their first breath. This bond is forged through the anticipation and preparation the mother has made over the nine months before the child is brought into this world. My bond with a mother wasn’t created in the natural way but it was created with someone else’s mother.
Mine started informal and awkward. Nothing really to remember. No hugs and kisses. No emotions. She sat across the room with a line of people waiting to be helped and a huge smile across her face and really big blonde hair. She was the lady who sat behind a big desk with candy in the bottom drawer. With a big smile on her face, and a sucker in her hand she greeted me and my father.
The lady at the bank became my friend. It seemed like we were always going to the bank and the happy, blonde haired, friendly lady was always there in that same desk giving me suckers as we stood and talked about things that were too much for my comprehension.
It wasn’t before long and I was seeing the lady at the bank everywhere my dad and I went. She always had three little boys with her that I remembered meeting at the park one day. Each of the three boys were very different from one another and seemed to like playing with me as much as I liked playing with them. The lady at the bank was my friends’ mom.
At the young age of 4, my parents were divorced and I was lost in this world. I needed a woman in my life to be my mother. Never did I think that someone who simply gave me a sucker at a bank could be someone special to me one day.
The lady at the bank had a name but I was too shy to call her by name. She was either referred to as “hey” or I would just start a sentence and hope she knew I was talking to her. Several months had gone by at this point and she became the one who picked me up from preschool and took me to her house afterwards. I even got to sleep over at her house every so often and I often ate dinner at her house with the three boys too.
One night the lady at the bank and I were sitting on her bed doing each other’s nails. More like she was doing my nails, but it was over the course of the last several months that I established some sort of relationship with this woman who made me feel safe even though I was so lost in this world at 4. I looked up into her eyes and asked if I could call her mom. She held her breath for a moment and softly said, “Madi, you have a mommy already.” And at 4 years old, I responded very simply saying, “but you feel more like my mommy.”
Two years later on February 4th, 2004 the lady at the bank adopted me and from that day forward she would be referred to as my mommy.
The lady at the bank became my mom.