The following statements are in no way applicable to every middle child, or any middle child for that matter, other than me. This is my take on the curse of the middle child…
We’re always second.
Second to go to kindergarten. Second to play on your subdivision soccer team. Second to get a drivers license. Second to graduate. This second way of life can be very detrimental to the mental well being of a middle child. Always getting second place leaves you feeling subpar and not as good as the first one. My older sister did life great and I love her more than a hot cup of coffee, but she did life so well that it left a very strong precedent. This precedent left by the first-born is the standard that weighs on the second-born therefore the beginning of the curse.
Don’t touch the stove.
This expression has been used for generations to dumb down the concept of making the right decision. My understanding is this…
Parent: “Don’t touch the stove.”
First-born’s thoughts: I will listen to my parents and not touch the stove because they know best. I will learn from my parent’s mistakes and not even go near the stove.
Parent: “Don’t touch the stove.”
Middle child’s thoughts: I know I should listen to my parents. I know the stove is hot and will burn my hand. Everyone knows the stove is hot and will burn my hand. However, the mere fact I was told not to touch the burning hot stove makes me want to touch the burning hot stove. My older sibling didn’t touch the hot stove so how do we really know it’s as hot as my parents say. So I’m just going to make sure it’s a hot stove and touch it.
Parent: “Don’t touch the stove.”
Third-born’s thoughts: I know it’s hot because my middle-child sibling got burnt from touching the hot stove. Now I have two paths I could take, either not touch it or touch it. Or, I could do my own thing and stand close enough to the stove to feel the heat, but not actually get burnt by it.
Learning on our own.
Middle children have heard the wise words of their parents and seen their words take hold in the lives of their older siblings. However, they are not fully convinced on listening to every wise word because they want to figure it out on their own. The middle child could not fully believe or learn that the stove was hot until it burned their hand. Disobedience wouldn’t be the word because if our parents ask us to do something we are eager to please, but rather we desire to learn from our own mistakes. This sounds illogical and idiotic, but it’s just a part of the curse.
Motivation.
In the light of doing the opposite, we channel the negative energy that is trying to teach us or prevent us from making mistakes into convincing ourselves we are right. We might be, we might not be, but it depends. For example…
I was urged to go to a private Christian university; therefore I quickly crossed all the private Christian universities off my search list. I looked into Ball State University, Indiana University, University of Cincinnati, and University of Colorado. Maybe I didn’t have the best intentions, but I’m now in my second year at the University of Cincinnati and I have the best friends I could ask for, a job I am passionate about and in a two-degree program that I love.
I started growing my hair out and got a lot of negative feedback from my parents. I agree, I do look better with short hair, but all the negative energy I got from them made me want to keep growing it out. We will decide in a few years if this was a good idea or not.
Last week I was at the eye doctor and browsing for glasses, and I got down to two pairs that I liked. I posted in a GroupMe with 35 of my friends and a majority of them liked one pair of glasses, and my mom liked the same pair they liked. What did I do? I bought the one that none of them really liked…lol
Dear parents.
Now to all the parents of middle children, you may be thinking Well, crap. How am I going to raise this middle child? They seem like a lost cause. WRONG. Keep doing you and spit your words of wisdom (so they know you were right after they make their mistakes). Guide them though their mistakes, be there for them when they burn their hand, listen to them when they cry over their dumb mistakes, be there to mend the wounds. Use that as your teaching moment. Yes, it is after the mistake happened, and yes, there may be a mess to clean up, but that is when the middle child will listen most. In the midst of the mess they’ve made, their parents are the only ones that can help them up. I’ve had my fair share of messes and mistakes, and after multiple situations where I’ve disappointed my parents because I had to learn for myself, they were the only ones there for me. My mom is the only person I know that would put her whole life on pause, give up the job she loves, and the people she cares about, to take care of the burns from my mistakes. This is something I realized for the first time the other day, but it has been there all along. Parents love and want to protect the middle child, but it’s the child’s desire to test the world on their own that causes the problems. But, that’s the curse’s fault…
Now that this article is turning into a “How much Drew loves and appreciates his parents article,” I’m going to end it with… the middle children are the best, burnt hands and all
