Recently, I was working on a religion project regarding Italy and I came across a quote that really got me thinking. So, I decided to write about it. Here goes:

Giuseppe Mazzini, a major figure during the Risorgimento, once said: "I thought I was awakening the soul of Italy, and I see only the corpse before me."

This line alone got me thinking of my life from a sort of existential view point. Perhaps, my life is like a body and the moves I'm making (that I think will awaken me) are actually killing me. It's not that hard to think about or believe. I've always believed that I'm moving towards death, that thought doesn't frighten me and it shouldn't shock you. While we are living, we are dying.

But this quote struck me in a different way. To me, it isn't about death, which I have a short and simple opinion about that several other people may or may not agree with. This quote, to me, speaks about choices. Choices made with the belief that they are leading to a better life, but then you realize they are, in fact, leading you towards your worse nightmare and perhaps by the time you realize, it's already too late.

But can I be stopped? And should I be? l'm a strong believer in learning from my experiences, even the bad ones. But if I have the foreknowledge that everything I'm doing is not right for my future, but it feels right in the moment, what should my path be?

I think I may have touched on this in an earlier article that I wrote in which I said that I fear aspects of the future because they are unknown and because I'm not totally sure where I'm going with the actions I'm taking. I'm not completely unhappy, nor am I solidly content. I don't know that many people can say that they are. However, the truth remains that there are things I want to do in my life, that I feel certain will awaken my soul, but I'm not sure how to achieve those things when I'm expected to do so many other things.

Let me give you a basic example - simplistic, not exactly at the top of the list but something that will make easy sense. A few weekends ago was the Performance Racing Industry show, also known as PRI show. My family has been going for several years now, but it always begins on a Friday. I'm always in school on a Friday. Do you see where this is going?

The belief is that school will awaken one's soul, will open new doors, etc. But what if school is really just killing me, and the PRI show is what would awaken my soul and lead me down the correct path?

Another example: I can't race points because I'm in school for at least a month into the season. Here's another: I can't work a full-time job or fully support myself. In Economics, this term is called "Opportunity Cost", the cost of what you give up to do something else. My opportunity cost is quite high.

Most of my examples for this experience has to do with school prohibiting me from other opportunities, and I don't mean to say that I shouldn't be at school. I'm not quitting college no matter what some quote gets me thinking about. Unfortunately, school is the majority of my life which means that it does take precedent over other things. Also unfortunate, I can't say whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, because I just don't know.

I like to think it is a good thing. I like to think that spending a lot of money for an education will eventually present me with many opportunities. I like to think that I'm awakening my soul, not slowly moving towards the discovery of my corpse.

But until I get there, I have no true way of knowing. I've never been a patient person, but I guess I will just have to trust myself in knowing what's best for me. We are all moving towards death, it just depends on if you're going to be alive to see your death.