"I love someone who is an alcoholic."
This statement is nearly impossible to understand for someone who has not been through it. How many times things go hectic because the bottle of alcohol ends up coming before anything else, when they forget to love you at times because they're too busy in their drunken mess to think about anything else, all the promises to stop drinking as you find receipts and empty bottles tucked in various places. There's a constant problem where there used to not be anything wrong at all. But, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the constant battle when you have to unconditionally love an alcoholic.
What hurts the most is you cannot trust that someone the way you used to. You watch the person who used to smile to effortlessly at you, turn that same face to the bottle and forget about everything else except their illness controlling their brain. They become a different person as their addiction takes over. They're mentally not the same person they were sober because all they can think about is alcohol. You wake up the next morning and they're back to their normal, happy, sober self. They return once again in a loving embrace and you feel a sense of calm and happiness rush over you. But, you have to remember that this may not last; you have to keep your guard up so you do not get hurt. For, the shell of their sober self will slip away when night rolls in.
Before you know it, you have lost them again. As the sun goes down, they slip away into their abyss and the person you know all too well comes out. The person you love slowly slips away with each sip of alcohol taken. It doesn't only affect you, it affects the rest of your family around you. You see the pain and confusion in their eyes, but no one is brave enough to speak up. Everyone has to keep going along with their days because even if their alcoholic has gone off the deep end, you still have to keep yourselves together no matter what. You all have to come to terms with the fact that you cannot change your alcoholic even though you see the pain around you and all the messes they have caused. You cannot let your alcoholic and their decisions change you as a person; you have to stay strong.
Granted, loving your alcoholic isn’t a walk in the park. It’s emotionally draining when you cannot understand someone’s motives and you cannot change them. It’s also draining growing up in that type of environment because you have to raise yourself sometimes and do some things for yourself where you wish that someone could help you and teach you things. It also puts a strain on marriages, family ties, and friendships. It makes your whole like chaotic at times. But, it’s all about how you cope with it and come to terms with everything.
Whether you love or know someone who is an alcoholic, I urge you to speak out about what you're going through. It's a struggle every day and when you speak out about your issues, you can help and inspire others to speak out. It's nothing to be ashamed of. See, loving an alcoholic is exhausting, but you cannot control their actions and it shouldn't change the way people see you. Try to get your alcoholic help, try to reach out to them and assist them in getting the help they need. But, always remember it is never your fault and you cannot change someone who doesn't want help. You can only try to help them better themselves, but if they're not ready to change yet there's not much you can do. So, take each day at a time and always remember to love yourself. This won't last forever, this is a learning lesson and a long process to go through, but you will be okay.
