About three or four years ago I made the decision to get an Instagram account. At the time, I was already a bit late to the scene. Now a distant memory, I can’t seem to understand why I got an account in the first place. I’m sure I was pressured into it in one way or another, whether one of my friends said something like, “You have to get one! Everyone has one” or whether I realized that fact on my own.
Some years later, I’m exhausted by the thought of it. I get comments all the time like “Your Instagram… kinda sucks” or “Wow, you only got 50 likes on that picture? Well, I liked it a lot.” Those all too usual comments stand as a constant reminder that I’m just not “good” at Instagram, and although with each comment a tiny dagger sunk just a little bit deeper into my chest cavity, I had come to accept that fact -- until recently.
A few days ago, a very good friend of mine shared her feelings toward my Instagram account with me. She said, “You could be better at Instagram if you wanted to be.” Eagerly awaiting a set of instructions, that's probably more aggressive than that spider-shaped book from "Harry Potter," I said, “lol what?” Although I had previously accepted my failure as a member of the Instagram community, suddenly I was offended, and questioning why. She then responded by saying,“You have the lipstick & the blowout game for that shit” to which I responded, “lol thanks, girl, I don’t have the motivation for that tho.” Instantaneously flattered, I saw my potential Instagram success flash before my eyes! Could it be as simple as just posting selfies of me with my hair and makeup done?
In those few seconds I felt like my life was at a standstill. My Instagram was potentially being insulted and that made me uncomfortable. My friend’s comment made me realize that I was lying to myself for quiet some time. I did, in fact, have an emotional connection to my Instagram and I hadn't completely come to terms with my failure. The instant excitement I felt when someone else expressed that my account has “potential” was far more than I had anticipated feeling. Stuck on this feeling, I took it as a sign that I needed to evaluate how I truly feel about my relationship to Instagram.
Over the last few days, I’ve come to a few conclusions about myself, and about Instagram in general. The first is that Instagram is really abstract, but it's also very direct. Abstract in the sense that it uses a few numbers and pictures to define a person who has many more intricacies than an Instagram account can begin to reflect. On the other hand, it's also an absurdly direct platform given that we choose to define each other by those darn likes - the more the better. I came to realize that I was initially hurt by my friend’s comment because we’re defined by how many people like our Instagram, rather than how many people like us.
So how did this happen? Instagram arguably gives people something that maybe they didn't have before - control. People can control when and what they post to Instagram which gives them control on how others will identify them. An empowering notion no doubt, but consider for example: It's a lazy Sunday morning and you're wearing sweatpants accessorized by some mop hair tied up in a bun. You feel the urge to post a picture for selfie Sunday cause your sick of coming up with original hashtags. Instead of taking a picture right then and there, you choose to post that selfie from two days ago that you took when you were feeling yourself. Why? As if you're the only one who looks slightly homeless on a Sunday morning.
My point is that we’re not using Instagram to empower our true selves and each other, instead, we’re just trying to beat each other out for likes.
There seems to be this growing notion hidden under all this “like”ness that exposing your self when you look less than perfect, is exposing weakness. It has become abundantly clear to me that people would rather sacrifice their true selves then seem weak.
I’ve noticed in my own Instagram, a tendency to stay away from things that could possibly falsify who I am, or completely define who I am to steer clear of outside judgment. I want my personality to be lucid and Instagram doesn't allow for that. Having to be one perfect side of yourself 24/7 is unrealistic and only being considered a sub-par side of yourself all the time isn't realistic, either.
What I’ve realized is that we don’t want to seem weak because it makes us look like we aren't in control of our life. We do have control -- but not on Instagram. On Instagram, we willingly give our control to our followers who are free to make judgments about our personalities. Without Instagram in my life, I have complete control. How I dress, how much makeup I put on, how I act, what I say; are all up to me, and none of those traits are defined by who I am on Instagram.
Putting anything on Instagram allows for open conversation and criticism, two things that don’t promote confidence. I like who I am, and I hope other people do, too, but if they do I want them to like all sides of me, not just who I look like I am on Instagram.
