To start this article ... If it upsets you that I shared my story, don't read it. This article was not written to please the world, it was written in hopes to be able to help someone power through their hard times.

Long story short, everyone has a different story. Everyone fights a battle you know nothing about and when it comes down to it, there is nothing better than beating your depression. My story of depression does not start my freshman year of college. It starts my sophomore year of high school. My sophomore year of high school threw so much at me at once, I lost my way. That's normal, it's normal not to be okay everyday. It took me countless months of self harm, therapy, medication, mental health programs, hospitals and doctors to get me through it. At the end of the day, my saving grace was the sport of cheerleading. I had something I could throw all my of my pain and hurt into and get a positive impact by working with my coaches and friends. They saved me more than they ever knew. Overall, I had something to help me power through each and every day. I beat my depression once, whats to tell me I can't do it again?

Well here is where the story grows. Senior year of high school, I lost cheerleading. I had to have a surgery that changed my life forever. And that broke me into a million pieces. I lost my one outlet that was my saving grace and 15 months later, I thought it was time to give up all over again. Although the only difference between the first time I tried to give up and this time was that I had to save myself. I had to talk to my mom, I had to tell her that I needed help, and I had to go away for a week and a half to get the help I needed. The biggest difference between the girl I was sophomore year of high school and freshman year of college was that I had no other choice than to save myself. I didn't have cheerleading, ultimately I was on my own. It was time to be a big girl and save myself.

Here I stand, sharing my story, only a few months after being admitted to get help. Months ago if you asked me where I stood in life, I wouldn't be able to tell you without crying. Without wanting to harm myself yet again. Without wanting to be brought back into Mass General Hospital for help because I could not trust myself anymore. Now I can say that there is no better feeling than beating your depression, not once, but twice. The truth is depression isn't black and white. It's gray and cloudy. It's having a good day and then suddenly wanting to give up for no reason. The hard truth is that it sucks. It absolutely sucks.

There is no better feeling than walking into the doctor's office, telling them how you feel and having them look you in the eyes and say "you're done with the medication, you did it. You are so strong." Hearing the words "I am so proud of you for beating this" makes a person cry. You get this overwhelming sense of happiness, strength, faith, and are just proud. Being able to say you're proud of yourself for pushing through is the best thing someone with depression can ever tell themselves.

Years have gone by and I have found a way to be my own saving grace. Being depressed makes you believe that putting your faith and happiness in someone else is the best thing for you, that it's easier for someone else to let you down rather than letting yourself down. When you let yourself down, you lose every part of faith you've ever had in yourself, and that's the hardest part. Putting every ounce of faith, trust and happiness you have left in you into yourself is terrifying.

Life is scary. It is going to throw things at you that you do not know how to handle. You are going to be faced with the demons you've feared your entire life, and you will tell them they do not control you anymore. I will tell you this, it is okay to be scared but you can do it each and every day. I believe in you, I know you can get through it. I know it's hard today, and it is not going to be easy. That I promise you. It is the scariest thing in the world to force yourself to learn your self worth. It's scary because at any given moment, you never fully know what you're capable of doing.

Learning to trust yourself, to make yourself happy before anyone else can, is like riding a bike; it's hard at first and you may fall off, but you get back up and keep going. Because at the end of the day when its 3:04 a.m. and you're on the verge of going back into that dark place, all you have in this life is yourself. You must learn to talk yourself off the ledge, stop giving other people the power to be the ones to save you because they will always let you down. Beating your depression and overcoming your struggles in hands down the best feeling in the world. I have had a lot of happy days in my life, but the day I was told that I did it, and I believed I did it, was the best day in my entire life and always will be.

I'm only 19, what do I know? "The best days of your life are ahead of you." Well no, they are not. Because in 19 years of living, that was my best day. You learn to love everyday as it comes, everyday as a good day. Beating depression is life changing, breath taking, eye opening, and you are just left speechless. No one will ever fully to be able to put how it changed them into words. It is not something you can describe. It is something you have to feel for yourself.

And remember this ...

You are not your past. You are not the pain you’ve suffered. You are not your scars. You are not the mistakes you’ve made. You are not your weak moments. You are not your failed connections. You are not people’s opinions. You are not the false idea people conjure up in their head. You are so much more than that, you are so much more beautiful than that. You are more intricate than that, you are more divine than that, you are more valuable than that, you are more exquisite than that, and you are more than what people think, feel or say.

You are so much more. You must fall in love with yourself first. Remember, something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. Don't beat your depression for the family members who are shaming you for your struggles, or the boy you lost along the way because he wasn't man enough to realize that people struggle. Don't beat your depression for the sake of your friendships. If they are really your friends they'll stand by you through it all. Do it for yourself. Do it to show yourself that you are all you need in this world. Because you can want things but you don't need them.

Strength is sexy, beautiful and so much more important than you think. You can do this, you can make it through. I believe in you.