To the classmate we lost. I didn't know you well. We never had a conversation, and we were never friends. It's not that we didn't like each other, it was just that our paths never crossed for us to interact with each other. We had several classes together. I remember you from that, and those are the only memories I have of you. If I knew what was to happen, I would have talked to you. I would have had conversations with you. I would have gotten to know who you really were. In class, you were really something else. I remember sitting across the room from you, and you were sitting next to one of your best friends. It didn't matter what was going on in class. It didn't matter if the teacher was talking, gave us work to do in class or had us read from our books. You were always talking with your friend and always laughing about it. I can't imagine what you were laughing at it, but I wish I even had a chance to experience it again. We never talked, we were never friends, so I don't know why I miss you so much.
Yes, I was friends with both your brother and sister. That may play a part in why I miss you. I just wish I knew for sure. I may never know; I can only guess. We cannot blame what happened on anyone, but if we had to, you'd be the very last person on that list. It is anyone's fault but your own. Suicide is not selfish; not helping someone who needs it is. I don't know why you did it. I don't know what it was that pushed you to the breaking point. I don't know what got you to the point of breaking, either. If I had talked to you, maybe I would know. There are so many unanswered questions I have, but nobody has the answer except for you. I wish you were here to answer them, that way we could finally have that conversation that I so dearly want to have.
You pop into my mind at the most random times of day. I will be at work and suddenly you are there. I don't know what that is. If you come to my mind so often and I didn't even know you, I can't imagine what your family and friends are going through. I have never handled death well, no matter who it is. The weird thing is I have a harder time with a stranger's death than I do with a relative's. I can't stop thinking about those times in class where it would have been so easy for me to say "hello" and have a conversation with you. I am just starting my adult life. I am too young to have regrets. However, not talking to you when I had the chance will always be one of my biggest. We all miss you, strangers and friends alike.
