A recent story has made waves throughout the media involving The Citadel to consider an incoming Muslim cadet to wear a hijab with her uniform among other things. This has been a controversial topic because it jeopardizes one of the unique qualities of the school and questions whether it should accommodate to a specific religion or continue to treat all cadets as equals regardless of their diversity. This has opened the flood gates of other religious prospective students to ask the school to accommodate to their specific religious needs as well; most notably a future cadet that practices Dudeism.
The earliest form of Dudeism was Chinese Taoism and has evolved since then. The official website of Dudeism states that "Down through the ages, this 'rebel shrug' has fortified many successful creeds – Buddhism, Christianity, Sufism, John Lennonism and Fo’-Shizzle-my-Nizzlism." Jesus Christ and Jerry Garcia, among others, are notable prophets of Dudeism due to their stance that people need to just mellow out, man. Dudeism was officially founded by Oliver Benjamin, an avid fan of the Coen Brother's film "The Big Lebowski". Benjamin serves as the highest priest of Dudeism and has the title of "The Dudely Llama." The main focus of the Dudeism religious doctrine is to just take it easy and go with the flow, man. The chillness of the doctrine and practice has attracted thousands of followers because who needs all that stress and stuff anyways?
When I heard of this possible Dudeist cadet and his theory of the school, I decided to have a chill-sesh interview with him. I was super intrigued about what his stance on the culture and requirements that The Citadel boasts and how it would affect him as a student. The dude's name is Cruz but he now spells it as "Cruise" because he feels that is a better representation of his life journey.
When I heard a Dudeist applied to The Citadel I was pretty shocked. Can you explain why you chose to apply?
Cruise: I heard about the bowling class I could take, so naturally I said "Sign me up, man!"
Wow, you must really like bowling to choose a school over one class.
Cruise: Yeah, man, I kind of see my life like a bowling ball. I just slide down that little path of life. Sometimes I score and hit some pins, sometimes I score big and get a strike and sometimes I just roll on down the gutter. The cool thing is that you always get your ball back and that's what life is all about, man; second chances.
Pretty heady. So what's your stance on the uniforms, rules and regulations?
Cruise: Look, man, I told those guys that I'll wear those things and maybe follow the rules but I've gotta be feeling it, you know? I'm a very devout Dudeist, so I've got to just go with the flow, man. If I'm not feeling the whole uniform thing that day then I'm not gonna wear it. If I feel like wearing my bathrobe instead then I'm gonna wear it. I'm not really into the whole haircut thing either, so don't count on me walking into that barber shop.
Is there anything else that upsets you that is against the rules?
Cruise: Yeah, dude. They said I could have my awesome Persian rug in my room. But I think once they see how it will really tie the room together, they'll have a second opinion.
You said you go with the flow, so why not go with the same flow the school has?
Cruise: Cause, man, I go with the chillest flow. My flow is like a lazy river with John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix floating down in some gnarly inner tubes just soaking up the sun and listening to some Grateful Dead. Way more chill than your river with all its "rules" and what not.
So what are you going to do when you do get in trouble?
Cruise: What are they gonna do? Punish me for practicing my religion? That's just plain old fascist, man.
Gotcha. So I guess I should ask what would you say if someone told you that you were a bad cadet for not following the rules?
Cruise: Well, like, that's just their opinion, man.
Yeah, I suppose. So why not just go to College of Charleston instead?
Cruise: They weren't as chill about the whole GPA and SAT score thing. They seemed more my scene, but they were tighter on the rules with their academics than The Citadel's. Plus I hear that Citadel ring is worth a lot of money.
Why does the higher price of the ring matter?
Cruise: Cause, man, you know how much money I could get if I pawned it off? I'd never have to worry about buying another bowling ball again.
I'm not sure you know how pawn shops work. Who's paying for your ring?
Cruise: I know how pawn shops work. You have something and you sell it to them and they give you a good deal. Bernie Sanders said he'll make college free so I guess he's paying. Why do you ask?
I was just curious. So I know it's early but what are your plans for the future?
Cruise: I don't know, man. I guess just hanging out. I think all the necessities will be free in America in a few years so we won't have much to worry about. Life keeps going until it stops, dude.
Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Did your parents happen to spank you when you were a child?
Cruise: Ha ha, no way, dude. My parents aren't a bunch of Richard Nixon supporting fascists.
It all makes sense now. Well I appreciate your time with this interview. It was enlightening to say the least.
Cruise: Thanks, man. Take it easy and roll some strikes.
