When I was 14 I fell in love for the very first time. Of course, we've all been in a juvenile relationship where we think we're in love, but nothing hits you until you're actually there. This boy was what every stereotypical girl dreamed of being with; the stereotypical guy. 6'8, 212 pounds, blue-eyed, blonde hair, quarterback of the varsity team. I was never the most popular in the grade. I was probably more towards the upper middle class of my school. I had nice things & everyone got along with me. People continued to pull me down because they wanted to be with him. Which is understandable, considering the circumstances.

This boy & I had been best friends for about three years. We always saw something more. My eighth-grade year came along & I was mentally unstable in so many places. Therapy came back & I was broken. Missed school days & I lost a lot of friends that year. Around March, He 7 I started dating. march 16th; my sisters birthday. I was already in love with him. I had fallen so hard over the past three years. But finally, I could say that he was truly mine. Definitely one of the higher points in my mental state.

I felt full. I felt wanted. I felt worthy. More than anything; I felt loved. Really & truly loved. After about a month, things began going downhill. For the previous years, I knew he was a cheater. By this time, I believed I could change him. I could make him better & he would fall in love with me & no one else. Which was magical to me. Every girl wants to say they changed a boy for them. I wanted to be different. I expected him to love me. me more than anyone. I was wrong.

A little under a month with him, he cheated on me. With one of my friends, actually. I was heartbroken. One of my best friends told me this. Shortly after, I found out it was true. The word really did "get around". He called me about three days after this happened. Apologized. Did I take him back, yes, Why? Because love does stupid, crazy, dumb things to your heart. We were good for a solid, month after that. He just decided he didn't love me anymore. Although, I spent all of my time & effort into loving him. He didn't love me, which is okay. Some people change their minds.

A year later, exactly. I find myself happier than I've ever been. Maybe? I was single for 11 months until I finally let someone in again. Three weeks into our relationship I'm looking at everything good in it. Everything & every time we're together it's different. Probably one of the nicest boys i've ever met. He shows me off. To everyone. He kisses my cheek in public, never my lips. He kisses my whole face whenever he gets the chance. Whether it's him & I, or him & I & thirteen of his friends. it truly doesn't change.

I've learned they don't come expecting. they come whenever you're not looking. I've also found out being with someone who is embarrassed by you isn't a good thing. Which should be pretty obvious. But when you don't like many forms of public affection. dirt is attracted to that. Because they know they can get away with so much. Most of this comes from insecurity. I'm insecure, I trualy can not help that. But the righ boy will find you & change that. Give it time.