You destroyed one of the best things that will ever happen to you. You'll see that and regret it one day.
You were the reason she looked forward to waking up each and everyday. Also being the reason she looked forward to going to school, and even being here. For over a year, you were the one person she had faith in that would never hurt or leave her, but that's exactly what you did.
She put her all into you. Giving you everything she had, from her heart to materials. To her it was so much more than caring for you, it was love. Over the months of your relationship, you managed to make it harder for her to even think about letting go. By the one year mark you had given her so much hope, that is now shattered.
She looked at you like you put stars in the sky. To her, you did.
Although I myself, had seen your true colors and tried to warn her, she didn't believe one word of it. She continued to love you unconditionally, and still does. Not once had she listened to anything bad anyone ever said about you, because she thought she knew you were not that person we all made you out to be. Thank you for showing your true colors to her.
She always made sure you were taken care of before herself. Weather it was money, food, or a place to stay. From ten or a million miles away, she always made sure you had what you needed. Her and her family were always the ones to help you, and to this day she would still do anything for you.
You've proved you wouldn't do the same, even if you could.
To her, it was more than the money and materials you could give each other. It was deeper than the words that came out of your mouth, it was so much more than you think it might've been. She had been looking forward to all the plans and promises made, though being young, she thought you would be around forever.
You were the exact reason for her happiness for the longest, and the exact reason for her sadness today.
Neither of you were perfect, both having flaws, but you are the exact reason she is broken.
You are the reason she has cried for days on end, not wanting to be here, and given up on everybody. You might not understand completely, but you destroyed the one person who would've given everything just to keep you happy.
The girl you hurt, is not who she used to be, not even close to it.
Before you, she was such an outgoing, amazing human being. Her smile used to be able to brighten up a black room, you took that from her. Now, she is afraid of who she is, and has no faith that anybody will be around forever. She is scared to talk, in fear or being judged, hates change, and no longer smiles a real smile. You're one of the main reasons she pushes every person away, so that she doesn't have to deal with the hurt of them leaving.
She deserves so much more. She deserves to know what love feels like, and what appreciation is. She deserves someone who actually makes the stars in the sky shine for her, someone who genuinely cares and loves her. Someone who balances her and puts just as much effort into her, that she does to them.
As much as I want you to understand everything you've put her through the past 2 and a half years, together and broken up, you probably won't.
You destroyed her, and she had to save herself.
You weren't the one who wiped her tears, hugged her, or begged her not to harm herself. You weren't the one who had to keep an eye out on her, because that was no longer your job. She did it all on her own. She was the only one who could make herself be ok, make herself get out of bed, and tell herself she will get through, no matter how hard.
Even though I was around, I take zero credit for all the recovering she did just to get over you, and how far she got doing it with only a couple people behind her pushing her.
She finally got to that point. To the point of being ok. She had finally accepted she was not good enough for you, and that you no longer wanted her or anything to do with her. She built herself up again, slowly, but she accomplished it. She had finally been able to get out of bed and face the facts you were no longer around, and you were no longer hers to have.
Of course, she had other relationships after you, but none of them compared to you, not even close.
It was finally convenient for you again, 7 months later. She had finally picked herself up, and put most of the pieces you broke apart back together. She had finally come to terms with herself that she was not everything you wanted.
You came back.
7 months later, you came back. You made her have hope again. You had finally given her back everything you took from her in the first place. Her happiness, faith, and a reason to get out of bed again.
I hope she knows that she is one of the best things that has ever happened to you, even if you don't think so. I hope one day she realizes she is worth so much more than you've showed her she is. I hope one day she can be happy, genuinely happy. I hope that one day she will be able to not think about you and not want to cry, even if it is just hearing your name.
One day she will heal and realize her worth, because it is so much more than you. I hope you realize you destroyed someone others would kill to have. When she eventually is able to love again, I hope it destroys you just as much as you destroyed her.
