Life has proven over and over to me that tomorrow is never promised. You've been gone from us for 283 days. 283 days without having my protector, the one who took me under her wing my freshman year. 283 days without getting a phone call from you because I "won't believe what just happened dude!"

If you were still here, it'd all be so different. We'd be playing with your little boy. We'd have our talks about how crazy things have gotten. I'd get to watch you be the amazing mother I always knew you'd be. 290 days ago was the last time I heard your voice. I wish I would've known that that was the last time; I would've held on to your words so much more.

You're watching over me now, holding onto that sweet little boy, and I honestly talk to ya'll so much more than is probably healthy. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about how if ya'll were still here, I'd be getting phone calls about his new sounds he's making or how he is sitting up on his own. I know everything happens for a reason and that no one really understands what these reason may be, but I am so beyond grateful for the friendship I received from you. Everything I do is for you, hoping I'm making you proud of how far I've come in these past few years.

Some days still hurt. (Your birthday a few weeks ago was probably the hardest one since the day I found out). I want to just pick up the phone and catch you up on my life; I want to just tell you so much. I want to go baby clothes shopping together. I want to take your little boy to the park. We had so many plans for after he got here, and they all just disappeared in a blink of my eye. I know I picked up a few things from you, from the attitude you ALWAYS had, it seems like to the way I write my "M" on my name.

If you were still here it would all be so different, but I know you're up there keeping up with everything. I see signs of you everywhere, especially dragonflies. (Lately they're getting pretty gutsy flying up to my face, haha). I've loved you everyday since I met you, and I've missed you everyday since you left.