I consider myself a trick or treating expert, growing up in a big neighborhood led me to do some early sabermetrics to determine probability of getting king sized candy bars, fruit, and even toothbrushes. I calculated house trends to determine who handed out the most candy, and who would have the most candy left at the end of the night. I would set out as soon as the soon started to go down, and would return back around 10:30, usually with a 8 pound pillow case full of candy. The next couple of weeks were filled with candy consumption. So I've pointed out my qualifications so now it's time to share with you my top 5 worst candies, and my top best candies, so you know what to reach for when you put your hand in the bucket, or when you are picking out candy for your trick or treaters.
5) Mounds/Almond Joy's
Coconut is one of my least favorite things, so I'm biased on this one and that's why it's only at number 5. I get a bunch of people actually like coconut so I won't rag on it too much, but it's garbage.
Malted milk balls are the most overrated thing. I remember hearing about them on TV and in movies, and how everybody loved them. I had my first one when I was young and was appauled. How do people eat these things.
I get it's old fashion, and was a big hit back in the day, but the chocolate game has evolved, and it's a dog eat dog world in the chocolate industry and the Tootsie Roll has no place in your bag of candy when there are millions of better candies out there.
Smarties are a joke candy. They are like prize candies given to you by your teacher for raising your hand to answer a question, or your parents give them to you for doing your chores, but they are by no means a sufficient halloween candy.
These are on the same level as the smarties, they are a childish candy, and by no means a halloween candy. But what makes these worse then smarties is the trouble you have to go through to actually eat one of these. They are in a package, and are individually wrapped. And not like sloppy christmas tree wrapped, I'm talking air tight vacuum sealed. Getting all the paper off of your one starburst takes about 2 minutes, way too much time for my liking.
Twix is a sneaky good candy simply because a package has two of them in it. Automatically you trick yourself into thinking you have more food. Who doesn't love more food. I'm also a big crunch in my candy guy, so I love the snap of the Twix.
4) Milky Way
Nougat, one sweet, simple, delicious word that means so much to me. I couldn't tell you anything about how it's made but it makes anything taste better. If you want your kid to eat their veggies, put a little nuget on the side to dip them in and the veggies would be gone in seconds.
3) Crunch Bars
Did I mention I like crunch in my candy. Well the king of crunch is my number 3 candy. When I first heard there was rice in it I didn't want to touch it, but when I actually tasted it my body was sent into orbit with just how amazing it tasted.
2) 3 Muskateers
See Milky Way, minus the caramel, which takes away from the nougat.
No question if you disagree go eat a carrot or something. The same mind trick that comes with the twix works with reese's the old 2 for one never fails.