By the time you're a senior in college, you have well-established your own path. You've established your community, what you’re passionate about and have your go-to friend group that is always down to hang. It’s a really comfortable place to be. I remember freshman year trying to form friendships and feeling the pressure that I had to make instant friends. Fast forward to senior year, I lucked out and am best friends with, in my opinion, the best people possible. Ultimately, at the end of college, if you got nothing else from it but great friends, you can take pride in that fact.
About a month ago one of my friends started inviting me to go with her to all of these social gatherings where I knew absolutely no one. Honestly, when I was first invited the only reason I went was because I love her and wanted to hang out with her. I was initially cringing because I was so uncomfortable, but in retrospect I’m so glad I went with her and made myself a smidge uncomfortable.
Yeah, it threw me back to feelings I had freshman year of, How the heck do I talk to people? I’m gonna be awkward -- random insecurities popping out of nowhere. I decided to re-assess my thoughts. I shifted my perspective from focusing on myself and how I'm feeling in the situation, to focusing on the people I'm meeting. It’s not so much about me as it is about the people I meet and getting to know about their life. Whether it's really seeing how specific people interact, understanding new social dynamics and how people think, or learning what their life looks like, that perspective shift makes life more full and enjoyable.
Something I learned to appreciate is the beauty of conversation. I think this should happen more often in life. Having conversations with complete strangers is one of the most interesting and exhilarating things. I feel, in those moments, very purposeful. By conversations, I’m not referring to a bullet point checklist of questions to ask a person, like it’s an interview. I’m referring to conversations of depth about life and lessons, and interests and love. You are getting to know a person with no preconceived notions about them, no agenda, just a "Hey I don’t know you, I’m not trying to judge you or write you off, I just want to for this time to get to know you. Who are you? How's life? What’s going on?”
People have the freedom to be as vague or as raw as they desire. I can’t express enough my gratitude for these raw conversations. There have been three in particular that have showed the beauty of conversations and the importance of listening (still working on listening).
One person l met was a random stranger whom I decided to sit next to while she was eating outside a Buffalo Exchange in California. We’ll call her Jess. At first, Jess probably thought I was random -- like, who is this girl and why is she talking to me? I made it known that I had time to kill and just wanted to talk. We talked about college and the life lessons she was learning in that season. She talked to me about heartbreak, how it hurts and what she’s learning from it. She talked about her dreams and passion for wanting to be a film director and break the stereotypes that Hollywood puts on different races; she talked about the expectations her parents put on her and how it's challenging and hard, but how it's great at the same time. It turned out not to be random at all, but cool and interesting. Jess asked for my number by the end because the convo was so random, but good. I would honestly consider Jess a friend; if I was in California again I would call her up to hang out.
Another girl, Taylor, I met when I was walking around a park with my friend and saw her sitting at a picnic table alone. We just started asking her questions, just about how life is things like that. She goes on to be one of the most refreshingly honest people I have met in my entire life. She told me and my friend about her recent addiction to meth and heroine, why she’s homeless, what her life looked like growing up, why she started doing drugs, the current struggles she’s facing with her boyfriend, why she hadn’t killed herself yet, etc. Y’all, she was beautiful; her honesty displayed a strength that was so powerful. That conversation set my heart on fire with a passion to fight away all her issues and demons.
I met another girl at a Halloween party where I knew only one person. Her name was Hillary. We had similar style in fashion -- I complimented her on her jeans and somehow that segued into her telling me about her passion for photography, how she just broke up with her boyfriend, how it's hard because she hates pain, but she is creating pain for another human being that she cares about, how she feels like she doesn’t deserve anything better, how she’s hurting because he thinks her passion for art is lame, how her parents don’t really encourage her to do it. She apologized, later, for dumping her problems on me (as if I cared).
These conversations are taking me on a path of learning. The things these girls shared with me aren’t dumb, mundane things. They are hurts, struggles, doubts and lessons that life is throwing at them.
Why is it that a person says sorry for sharing their life? Like, "I know this issue isn’t yours, it's mine. Sorry if I talked your ear off.” When did we become a people that make listening, caring and conversation seem like a burden? Listening to people should be looked at as an opportunity to get a glimpse of a person's life. Verbalizing how you’re feeling can be one of the most healing things.
I’m trying to really learn and nail down what a conversation should be. I’m still learning, but I can say that when I walk away I’m thankful. I’m thankful that person talked to me for as long as they did -- they didn’t owe me that. I’m thankful for the vulnerability that I was allowed to partake in. I’m thankful that I got to listen and try my best to encourage. I’m thankful that moment happened. Even if I never see that person again, I try to walk away with something that I learned from every conversation.
Maybe these conversations did nothing for these strangers, I really hope I’m wrong when I say that, though. I think when strangers are able to converse, it can speak volumes on love. Like, "Hey I don’t know you, but God calls us to love so let me listen, let me care.” What are the odds that all three of those conversations took place? They are so random, yet in that moment it felt as though they were necessary for the both of us. At least, that's how I choose to look at it.
All this goes to say yes, it is so great to have your go-to friends that you live your life with, that are your community, that help you, and watch you grow in your day-to-day. Please, don’t be afraid to venture out, meet a stranger and have an actual conversation. You learn so much, whether it's big or small and it expands your heart to care more for people. You might need a convo just as much as they do.
