Insomnia may be a huge downer on my life, but it also has so many beautiful points as well. I know what you are thinking...“INSOMNIA IS NOT BEAUTIFUL, IT IS AWFUL.”
What everyone forgets to mention is the beauty of the silence it brings you. You have the whole world to your self with no disturbances. You literally get to watch the world fall asleep, and wake up...(and that's actually kind of cool). Even though my body does not let me sleep until about four or five AM most nights, I still get to see a beautiful experience through it. The worst part about insomnia is that your mind will tell you that you are tired and need to sleep, but your body will not let you even close your eyes and attempt sleep. Another thing that majorly sucks with this issue is it truly sucks seeing everyone falling asleep whenever they would like to or not, and being well rested. I could never explain insomnia to a 100 percent perfect definition because it is different for every single person. Some nights I don’t even sleep and go straight to college, school, and other activities I need to attend.
Insomnia has also brought many new opportunities for me to experience. It has brought me new friends, who actually struggle with the same things I go through. Although I wish no one ever had to go through this torture, it is still beautiful knowing I am not alone. There is beauty in the way you can sit in your room at 5 AM staring at walls, having no one bothering you. The world is quiet, and all yours to experience. You have all the time in the world to sit there and figure out every detail of your life, with just yourself... No one else. Even though not being able to sleep at a decent hour is a major killer, I am blessed to have insomnia. Insomnia has made me realize that there is so much beauty in the way the world wakes up and how everyone goes on with their day. Insomnia has shown me that the birds starting the chirp in the morning is the sign of everyone awakening from their long night's rest...And I get to witness the world waking up.
Of course, having friends who do not understand what it is like having insomnia, is almost as bad as the lack of sleep I get.
The simple comments like, “Try sleeping and you wouldn't be tired.”
“Just close your eyes, it isn’t that hard!”
But they would never know. My mind would always tell me to sleep, and that I was tired... But my body physically will never let me sleep. I could never explain the issues people with insomnia suffer with, but just know...It is never easy to just “close our eyes and sleep.”
One day you may understand, but until then...See you at 5 AM when you wake up.
Love,
The Girl Who Is Up At 5 AM
