The Pregame

Music plays loud out of speakers

Like cannons signaling the night has begun

I take my first drink and grimace as it touches my taste buds

Imagine drinking paint thinner out of a solo cup

I feel like we all hate the taste, but live for the effects

The music gets louder and the drinks get stronger

I spend almost an hour throwing a ping-pong ball at a red solo cup

Until I realized I wasn’t playing against anyone

My friends are chugging vodka from plastic bottles

Debating on who has the best pre-game playlist

Time flies by and the night goes on

I’ve gone to the bathroom about 7 times now

My memory fades from the moment we left the house

And the night has only just begun

The Bars

I became conscious only by being pushed through a huge crowd of people

Flashing lights burned my eyes and alcohol sat in my stomach

Eager to keep the night going I do what any student would do

I pulled the trigger in the bathroom and came back a new man

I shimmy my way to the bar through the crowds of people

Much like a freshman on the first day of classes

Fighting and flailing to get the bartenders attention I spill someone’s drink

Naturally it was the girlfriend of the biggest guy in the bar

He starts accusing and I offer to buy his girlfriend a drink

Due to his poor deductive reasoning skills he thought I was hitting on his girlfriend

So he punched me

Into a wall

A hard wall

Like imagine something really hard

This wall was harder

I hit my head on the wall as the giant is escorted from the bar

“Are you okay”

“Can you hear me?”

“Do you know who’s President?”

Trying to save myself some embarrassment I don’t answer

I get up and say I’m fine minus a headache

The owner comes over

“Don’t worry pal we took care of him

Drinks on the house the rest of the night”

I don’t want to be rude so I took him up on the offer

My friends and I drank

And drank

And stopped

Just kidding

Then we did shots

1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila

Floor

The Hangover

I force my eyes to open going against my will

It is as if everyone in the house woke up at once

I pull myself up and immediately lay back down due to my headache

Now when I say headache I really mean

It feels like my head was placed firmly under a slow moving steamroller

“Who in the name of God hit me with a truck last night?” I said

“And why couldn’t they have killed me”

My memory went back to hitting my head and then drinking

That’s it

I went to stand up and tripped over my friend laying on the floor

He was already awake, but too hungover to move

The two of us sat there debating if we go downstairs to greet our friends

We could hear their moans and muffled conversations

Finally we summon the courage to go move and head downstairs

I greeted everyone and received several loud shushing

Man what a night

“What now?” I asked

“McDonalds?”

“MCDONALDS”

So we stumbled into our cars

With sunglasses on and Gatorade in hand our caravan left the house toward McDonald’s

I approach the counter as if I had been waiting for this moment my entire life

“I’ll have 3 McGriddles 4 hash browns and a large coke”

We stumble out of the store and back into our cars

We made it inside

And then the feast began

I devoured my food and laid in a food coma

Never again will I drink

I said

Guilty Conscience

I lied.