It was the essence of my character. It was the embodiment of my soul. It was the executioner of my heart.
To this day, I am astonished by the addictiveness of bitterness. At its core, bitterness is an attempt to achieve a wrongdoer's pity, repentance or sorrow with the goal of eagerly dismissing it. So, is the pity or sorrow even desired in the first place? What then is the point of being bitter? Why does this cancer of the human spirit spread from mere misconceptions? The answer lies in our human pride, our desire to be treated fairly and often, even more so.
Bitterness is pride's most powerful weapon. Understandably so, we want those who have wronged us to recognize and apologize for what they have done, but rather than simply confronting them, we believe that expressed resentment should communicate our feelings respectively; when in reality, it only escalates and worsens the situation entirely. Irony, my friends. Bitterness calls for a lack of communication, so how could the wrongdoer then accurately perceive the message of resentment? It's an endless loop leading to the destruction of our heart's utmost desire: relationship.
Lingering bitterness produces loneliness. Loneliness is the feeling of abandonment. Again, isn't it ironic? Bitterness causes one to flee from others and to indirectly seek abandonment, but once abandoned, the bitter spirit just so happens to increase exponentially.
Bitterness is the weed in the garden of life. It is the heat of the sun, without the refreshment of water, that robs the flowering of relationship. If it is not uprooted upon first sight, then it will grow and consume every corner of the garden. If it is not extinguished with water, then it will cause relationships, some that might have not even begun yet, to wither and die, sometimes never to blossom again.
Humility, however, is the weed killer in the garden of life. It is the uncomfortable, messy toil of uprooting weeds, regardless of their depth or expansive dispersing in the garden. Repentance is the water that then, through time, reconstructs the garden.
Bitterness is then a result of carelessness towards the flourishing of one's garden. The careless, dangerous attempt at passive vengeance. It's one way to live your life, but speaking from experience and with encouragement, it is no longer the way I choose to live mine. I've started to uproot some of the many weeds in my garden, and I can tell you this, even though the flowers in my garden are in the beginning stages of blossoming, the absence of weeds, of bitterness, amplifies the beauty that is the garden of my life, the soul filled with grace and mercy. The water to my spirit.
Bitterness, the poison one drinks in the hope of another's harm, acts quickly and leads to death. You may not see the life giving results from maintaining your garden as quickly as you'll see the death bringing results of the reign and rule of weeds, but then again, good things come to those who wait.
