Berry College has the world’s largest college campus — 27,000 acres of pure liberal arts bliss. Unsurprisingly, in this large corner of the woods there are more deer than people (the ratio hovers around 8:1). Getting to know that many deer can be really overwhelming. To make your social interactions a little less stressful, I’ve compiled a list of the most important, fun and unique deer that you really have to get to know if you plan on spending any time at Berry.
1. Stan
This is Stan. He is extremely normal. There are lots of deer like Stan on Berry’s campus, but what really sets Stan apart is the sheen of his hooves. They are just so dang shiny. You have to see these hooves; they’re really unbelievable.
2. Jamie
Here is Jamie, the popular deer. All the other deer look at Jamie and then feel something that makes them want to eat more grass and peck at the bark of an oak tree. Jamie is not particularly good at giving directions, so make sure that you don't ask her how to get to the Ford reflection pool or where you can find the physical plant. Jamie can be seen lying down in the middle of a field probably.
3. Fish Wish
Fish Wish is a special deer. He was chosen by the reservoir gods to be the special caretaker of any magic reservoir fish that may need help. He lives in the tower in the middle of the reservoir and gets spooked by people — really spooked. You will never find him, unless the reservoir gods call upon you to do so, and even then you must master the mumbling fish language that Fish Wish uses to communicate.
4. Geoffrey, the Mountain Boy
Geoffrey, the Mountain Boy is a vicious one. He can do serious damage to a mountain if he feels sad. He is actually sad most of the time because a group of deer did serious damage to his heart place. Now he lives on the mountain and whistles from his deer nest and is lonesome. If you whistle back to him he may come down from his deer nest to give you a sniff and then return when he finds out that you aren’t another deer that has come to rescue him from his solitude. If you meet Geoffrey, the Mountain Boy, be sure to say, “It is OK, Mountain Boy, I will return you to deer country. Please sniff my palm,” and then extend your palm to him with a small bit of dirt and carrots so that he feels more OK.
5. Sanjay
Sanjay is double jointed.
6. Mandeer, the Deer Man
Human? Deer? Looks like you’ll have to meet him to find out. Mandeer, the Deer Man is hard to spot. He looks like a deer, but also a man. He can play hopscotch, and his best friend is a boy named Ralph. His favorite novel is "Moby Dick." You can pick him out by listening to his catchphrases. If you hear another student in class saying, “I am alive in the springtime!” or “I need to scratch my antlers, har de har!” you may have found Mandeer, the Deer Man.
7. Don’t get me wet, I’m Ryan Gosling
Whenever there is sun, Don’t get me wet, I’m Ryan Gosling can be found frolicking in fields, throwing his hair around in a manner that makes all the does swoon. But when he steps near the watering hole, he is filled with instant dread. A thick feeling of despair wells in his stomach when he imagines his flawless fur being drenched with anything other than the finest of pine perfumes. When it rains, he buries himself in the ground and whispers until the storm passes over.
8. Stephen Briggs
This is the rarest of all the famous Berry deer. This deer is the most respected. His eyes shine goodness and his mouth speaks of the promises of tasty pastries. He is beloved by all students, faculty, deer, fish, eagles and even earthworms on the Berry campus — mostly for his charming antlers and how good he is at maintaining eye contact. Be careful though, a lot of people mistake this deer for a human with the same name. Do not confuse these two, it will make for an awkward conversation.
