If you are in Greek life and want to receive a very nicely (or poorly, depending on how artistic your date is) painted bubba keg or cooler, you will be going on something called a Grab-a-Date. Grab-a-Dates can be at a sporting event, a bar, or, the grand daddy of them all, a formal. No matter what, Grab-a-Dates are a fun time if you can find a date. I don't know if people truly know the stress that people go through when finding a date. In fact, there are phases that everyone goes through. There are six phases, to be exact. So, without further ado, I give you the six phases of finding a Grab-a-Date.
Phase 1: "It's a month away, I'm fine."
The social chair of your Greek organization has just informed you that there is an upcoming Grab-a-Date. What do you care? It's in a month and you have tons of potential dates in mind. So, let's just go on with our lives and put that to the side.
Panic Level: Trying to remember if you left something on in the house when you left.
Phase 2: "I'll just ask a friend to find me one."
About two weeks have passed and someone asks you if you have a date yet. When you are asked this question, it actually reminds you about the Grab-a-Date because, let's face it, you didn't even remember that you had one. So, without panic, you just ask some of your friends to find you a date. These are your close friends who know lots of potential dates, so they can't possibly fail, right?
Panic Level: Eating Chipotle while reading a breaking news article about the E Coli outbreak.
Phase 3: "OK, no one is finding me a date, it's time to take matters into my own hands."
After a day or two passes, more and more people start asking you who you are going with. This turns the panic knob inside of you just a bit higher. It's now to the point where you lose faith in your friends and you start to question who you can and can't trust. (Meanwhile, it has only been two days since you asked your friends to help you.) When you reach this level of distrust, there is only one person who you can trust to find you a date. That person is you, the person who originally failed to find you a date.
Panic Level: You're home alone, in the shower, and you hear a noise.
Phase 4: "Oh my God, it's in a week!"
It is in a week and you have officially gone insane. Call in sick to class, tell your friends that you won't be hanging out for a while, and tell your parents that you won't be calling them for a few days. All of your time this week is going to be spent trying to find a date. This is the time where a four becomes an eight because your perception of things are so off. At this point, all ideas are good ideas.
Panic Level: Losing your parents in Disney World.
Phase 5: All ideas are not good ideas.
Do you remember that time when I said, "At this point, all ideas are good ideas?" Well, it turns out that I could not have been any more wrong. You think to yourself, "Ill just bring one of my friends, we will hang out, and it won't be weird at all." I encourage you to rethink the way in which you make life decisions after that thought. The looks that you will get from even the closest of your peers are cringe worthy.
"Lets take a look at Tinder." I'm not even touching that one. Another "great" idea is bringing someone who's in a relationship. If you are looking for just a fun night, then this may be a fine idea. However, if you are looking for a hook up, back away from this idea as fast as possible. Bringing someone who is in a relationship is like stepping on a bear trap. After a few more hours of awful ideas, your stress level is raised to a level that you had no idea existed. Call the psyche ward and have them prepare a bed for you.
Panic Level: Working on Wall Street during the stock market crash.
Phase 6: "I never doubted you for a second."
It is the day before the Grab-a-Date and you have stressed yourself into an early grave. Just when you are about to tell everyone that you will not be attending the event, you get a text. It's from your friend. It says that they found you a date. Cue the fireworks, the upbeat music, and the victory dance because you, my friend, are going to the date function. Now, at this point, it is normal for you to look at your friend who has kindly gone out of their way to find you a date and say, "I can do better." Please do not do this. Say yes right away. Enjoy the fact that someone is willing to tolerate you for the whole night. You suddenly feel your stress levels decrease greatly. It feels as if you had just come back from a few hours in a hot tub. Just relax, stop stressing, and prepare to handle all of the problems that you will have that night.
Panic Level: You have a date.
