To be completely honest, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a store more than I enjoy Target. It has everything you could possibly need, as well as everything you really do not need. And at such low prices.
1. Realization
After a satisfying breakfast of Cocoa Puffs, you venture to the bathroom to brush your teeth and find that your toothbrush is getting worn down. You need a new one. ASAP. Sure, you could run down to the dollar store five minutes down the road. But why would you do that when the nearest Target is only 30 minutes away? You know what you have to do.
2. Preparation
You put on real clothes. You make a list. You check it twice. You grab your wallet. You are ready.
3. Reminding
When it comes to Target, it is necessary to remind yourself to stay on task and not get distracted by the ~incredible~ deals that you will encounter. You only need one thing. Just get that one thing.
4. Arriving
Dealsdealsdealsdealsdealsdealsdealsdealsdeals
5. Beholding
You walk through the automatic sliding doors, and the cold, vaguely popcorn-smelling air hits your face. You take a moment to bask in the glory of this phenomenal corporation before grabbing a cart and beginning your journey.
6. Becoming Overwhelmed
You begin walking in the direction of the dollar section and immediately feel overwhelmed with all of the products and options. There are so many window stickies and holiday socks and little storage bins that you will never use and they're all so cheap. You grab a few of each as quickly as you can and move away, heading in the direction of the dental hygiene aisle.
7. Discovering
En route to the toothbrushes you get completely side-tracked when you see a really soft blanket and the sign says 40 percent off. You already have 20 blankets but you just really need this one, too. You start imagining all the cuddly places you're going to lay with it.
8. Calculating
If this $30 blanket is 40 percent off and you have $20 to your name you could probably swing it if you don't buy food for a week.
9. Depression
After a lot of thought, you decide it isn't worth it (you love food too much). You give it one final affectionate stroke (so soft) and walk away.
10. Rallying
This is the point where you start trying to comfort yourself. Walking away from your blanket was hard, but it's gonna be OK. There will be other blankets. I don't know if they will be as soft, but they will exist.
11. Refocusing
@Myself literally you came here to get a toothbrush stop crying about a blanket and go get your freaking toothbrush.
12. Noticing
You are mere feet away from the dental hygiene aisle when you see something out of the corner of your eye. A sign. What kind of sign? A sale sign. Something is on sale. You tell yourself not to look. You tell yourself to keep walking. You are currently standing dead still in the middle of the aisle and blocking like four people that are trying to shop. You can't help it. You look. It's a picture frame -- oh my god it's so cute. And oh my god. It's only $5. You can afford it. You pick it up and place it gently in your cart.
13. Pride
You did it, man. You found a great deal. You found that adorable frame. You are such a smart shopper. You are filled with tremendous pride as you start to head towards the checkout, picking up a few cute hand towels and a dress along the way.
14. Denial
You're checking out and you see the total come up on the cash register. You hand over your credit card. It's fine. Money isn't important. Besides, it wasn't even that much. It kind of was. But it's fine. You're fine.
15. Departure
As you return your cart to the cart return area, you turn around and say one final farewell to your favorite place. You make eye contact with one cashier in particular, the one that you somehow see every time you come. She gives you a look as if to say, "See you soon?" And you throw her one that hopefully says, "Don't worry. I'll probably be back tomorrow."
16. Unsettling Feeling
You have loaded up your car and are sitting in the driver's seat. As you put the key in the ignition, a strange feeling begins to come over you. Did you forget something? You sit there for like five minutes trying to figure out why you feel this way. Finally, you decide that you'll never figure it out and you start heading home.
17. Recognition
About 10 minutes into the drive home, you realize you never bought a toothbrush. You hate yourself. You literally went there for that one thing. You came out with three pairs of holiday socks, some Memorial Day window stickies, two sets of hand towels, a kick-ass frame, a dress, and no toothbrush. That's Target for you. Hey, at least you have an excuse to go back tomorrow.
